We survived Hurricane Irene! In fact, seems all you needed to survive her, in Raleigh, the headquarters of Giant Electric Penguin Industries, was an umbrella and a basic understanding of the concept of "staying inside." The worst hurricane damage we experienced was a few downed branches. And there are leaves strewn all over my kitchen. I'm gonna have to bend over to pick those up, people, and that is annoying. I guess there are people throughout the state dealing with power outages and flooding, so maybe picking leaves off of the linoleum doesn't seem so bad. I don't know. Still sucks to me.Anyway, Irene did what hurricanes do and, per usual, local and cable news lost its collective mind. I spent most of yesterday flipping from CNN to Fox News to MSNBC to my local ABC affliate, attempting to soak in as much hurricane coverage as humanly possible. I wanted to know what to expect when Irene came knocking at my door. I wanted an update on the situation in the Outer Banks. What was Baltimore in for? Could this really be the storm to end all storms? Was God unleashing his wrath upon New York City because gay dudes can legally get married there now? This was the information I craved. Sadly, what I got, was a lot of miserable reporters in yellow rain slickers standing near piers and pointing at waves.
Eventually I grabbed a notebook and started jotting down the different captions or headlines or whatever you call them that various stations used to "set the mood" if you will, and I thought I'd share a few of my favorites right here. Needless to say, I think they went a little overboard.
-HURRICANE WATCH 2011: ARE YOU PREPARED, DUMMY? (MSNBC)
-HURRICANE IRENE: IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE ALREADY DEAD? (Fox News)
-OBAMA TO IRENE: "I'M GONNA GET YOU, SUCKA" (CNN)
-HAROLD CAMPING WAS RIGHT! (CNN)
-IRENE COULD BE "LIKE TEN KATRINAS" OR "NOT THAT BAD" SAYS EXPERT (Fox News)
-HURRICANE IRENE: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! (The Weather Channel)
-KATRINA 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO (CNBC)
Take care of yourselves, New York City. Stay dry and not dead. You guys'll be all right. C'mon! You're New Yorkers!
Stay tuned to GEP for the latest weather updates.*
*There will be no further weather updates.
