Giant Electric Penguin remained notably silent during the whole thing (Trust me. A lot of people told me that they noted it.). After all, we're in the business of ha-ha's and goofy fun times. We write about tanuki testicles and post close-up photos of unhealthy food. We're not in the travesties of justice game. We leave that stuff to Nancy Grace and her cronies. But as I read the tweets and the Facebook comments and watched the news reports--I'm kidding...I don't watch the news--I began to think that perhaps I was doing my readership a disservice. Maybe, just maybe, they were turning to GEP for the answers Nancy Grace and @justice4caylee173 couldn't provide.
So, I sent an e-mail to a select few of GEP's most loyal readers, asking them a single question, the one question that has been on everybody's lips since the verdict was announced last week: Is Casey Anthony hot? Here's what I got back.
Ronnie B. (t-shirt designer/Mountain Dew aficionado)
"Of course Casey Anthony is do-able! It isn't even up for debate, bro! You think just because most of the US population thinks she drowned her kid or whatever, I don't get rock hard--pardon my French--whenever I see her on TV or whatever? C'mon, bro. You gotta be half-a-fag--pardon my French--to not think this chick is smoking hot! Dude, I would totally take her out to a nice dinner, get bottle service or whatever--you know, a classy-ass evening. I'd wine her, dine her, and if she could keep herself off of my piece--pardon my French--on the car ride home (and I doubt she could...THAT'S WHAT'S UP!!1), I'd give it to her so hard. And from behind. Is that enough for the blog, bro?"
Jason N. (barista/amateur slam poet)
"Ugh. What's to debate? Of course Casey Anthony isn't hot. She looks like a heroin-addicted Alyssa Milano. And I don't mean Charmed-era Alyssa Milano either. I'm talking Who's the Boss, Samantha-era Alyssa Milano. Only hooked on heroin. And have you seen any of her crying pictures? Woof! She looks like Cesar Romero if his face was melting. Or, like, Snagglepuss if he were a human woman and had his face smashed in with, like, a hundred frying pans at once. The whole "I-killed-a-baby" thing doesn't bother me, I mean, my high school girlfriend had, like, three abortions sophomore year, it's just, I mean, look at her. She's, like, a dog. She looks like one of those pug dogs got mashed in the face with a weedwacker and then had plastic surgery to look like Vern Troyer but then she, like, fell down the stairs through a window or something. (Hey, I attached a few of my poems to this e-mail. You can post them on the blog if you'd like. I think your readers would get a lot out of them, 'specially "Ladybug in my Ear on a Summer's Evening (Nancy Drew Remix II)" Thanks!)"
Aileen L. (grandmother/prayer warrior)
"hi, matt. so nice to hear from you. hows the baby? your dad showed me a picture and she looks sweet as sugar. i'm doing fine. my leg still aches in winter but its summer now so it will probably be fine. did you mean to send me this e-mail? would love to hear from you. not sure i have your correct phone number. i keep leaving messages by noone ever calls back. oh well. love you. it was my birthday yesterday. bye."
Erin J. (lady-lawyer/mother of "three feisty felines")
"As your lawyer, Matthew, I feel I should advise you that this journal post is a VERY BAD IDEA. I don't know how many of these e-mails you sent out, but if you can somehow get them back...? I don't even know if that is possible. Hm. I really wish you would talk to me about these things before you just go and do them. My best to you and the "List Lady." And, heck, I'll play along, but just this once. Is Casey Anthony hot? Well...I wouldn't go lesbian for her, but maybe things get frisky one night at a bar and...who knows... OK. Seriously. Stop this."
