1. Angels & Demons (May 15): Robert Langdon is back for another tussle with the Catholic church. And this time he's got slightly better hair. For those who saw The Da Vinci Code and thought, "OMG, I need more of that Dan Brown magic!" this one's for you. For everyone else, take this opportunity to take the kids to the science museum or a petting zoo.2. They Came From Upstairs (July 31): "From the producers of Alvin and the Chipmunks" was all it took to let me know that They Came From Upstairs was not the movie for me. I am a bit of a masochist though, so I watched the trailer and have come to the conclusion that TCFU is, apparently, not for anyone. It's kind of like Small Soldiers meets Critters meets Alvin and the Chipmunks. In other words, it's kind of like a huge waste of time meets a colossal pile of crap.
Oh, Producers of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Doris Roberts performing Mortal Kombat-style fighting moves = not funny. Blech! (Warning: Kung-fu Doris Roberts is NOT the worst thing on display in the following trailer)
3. Dance Flick (May 22): You will believe a creepy, purple, CGI fetus with attitude can dance.
Is there anything else I can say about this movie that the above photo doesn't make perfectly clear? I didn't think so. Pure dreck!
4. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (July 1): There is something very confusing about that title. And that poster. Ice Age? Dawn of the Dinosaurs? WHA...?????Hang on. I just read that Ice Age 3 involves our heroes (the mammoth, that lisping sloth, and Toothy) falling into an underground world full of dinosaurs. Wait a second. An underground world full of dinosaurs? Oh, shit. HUMANITY IS DOOMED!
5. World's Greatest Dad (August 21): At last: the superstar team-up nobody asked for. Robin Williams stars in a film written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. In the following exclusive scene (totally written by Bobcat Goldthwait remember), we discover that those who find the word "fag" to be the very height of edgy comedic expression are in for a real chuckle-worthy experience come August.
Don't save me a seat. I'll be watching the one about Nazi-killin'.
