Not your phone number or anything, I mean, we're not going to prank call you at all hours of the night or whatever. We don't have to get the authorities involved in this, do we? This is between me and you, OK?
Anyway, here's the post.
1. Peter Griffin murders Quagmire's cat: Regular viewers of the FOX animated program Family Guyt were treated to a brutal cat slaying last Sunday night that left at least one watcher (you can't see it, but I'm totally pointing at myself right now) cold and mirthless. While attempting to prank a newly sissified Quagmire by shaving his cat, Peter, who brought along a straight razor as opposed to an electric one, accidentally killed it...six times!--the joke being, of course, that cats have nine lives. Absent, oddly enough, was a "shaved pussy" joke. The episode went on to be one of this season's funniest, but it's first act will be forever tainted by a sickening act of feline homicide I won't soon forget.
2. The Cat Scene from Boondock Saints:
It's not surprising that a large number of fans of the cult-classic-but-why-exactly? film Boondock Saints love the above scene: by and large, Americans hate cats. Why is this? I blame the "dog people" of this country who have declared us a Dog Nation, completing ignoring the millions of us who happily choose to share our homes and lives with cats. Imagine if the above scene involved the shooting death of a puppy, like this one? Would you be so quick to giggle then, dog people?
3. Kitten Cannon: Kitten Cannon allows budding serial killers to practice the delicate art of feline abuse in the comfort of their own homes. Firing a sweet, widdle kitten out of a futuristic cannon into a field rife with trampolines, blood-soaked metal spikes, rockets hanging precariously from balloons, and man-eating plants may seem like innocent fun, but in reality it is a sick exercise designed to desensitize America's children to the idea of cat murder. I'm only providing the link so you can witness the horror for yourself--I am in NO WAY suggesting that you devote any time out of your day to playing this wretched piece of garbage. 4. Cat Hacky Sack:
Not only is last summer's You Don't Mess With the Zohan one of the least funny comedies of all time, it's also a cat haters wet dream. There are two (TWO!!!?!!) cat hacky sack scenes--we've provided the more disturbing one for your consideration. The Zohan, played by notorious anti-feline activist Adam Sandler, urinates on a cat's head in another troubling scene. Again, I ask you, America, if Zohan and his buddies were kicking this puppy back and forth to each other, would the nation's movie houses still ring out with the sounds of your degenerate laughter?
5. Bonsai Cat: While this turned out to be a hoax, it takes a sick mind to think shoving a poor, defenseless kitten into a glass jar is in any way humorous. I remember when this site first appeared on the internets. I realized right away that it was a joke--a twisted, severely misguided one, but a joke nonetheless. A lot of other people did not. In fact, in 2001, the FBI investigated Bonsai Cat and PETA still circulates a petition calling for it's demise. The MIT students responsible for the hoax have explained they were trying to make some kind of point or whatever, but that doesn't change the fact that for a short time nine years ago they had cat lovers and animal rights advocates collectively fuming and plotting violent retaliation.If you have some examples of cat abuse in the media that we missed, please let us know in our comments section or at giantpengy@yahoo.com. Namaste.
