Yawn. Really, TIME? Barack Obama? Talk about an obvious choice. He only changed the course of American history. Whoop-de-doo. I guess I understand TIME's choice of President-Elect Barack Obama, but I hope that they at least considered the following candidates before making their final (boooooo-ring) decision:
1. Jennifer Aniston:
Sure, I'm sick to death of hearing about how much she respects her ex-husband and how Angelina Jolie did her wrong and, granted, her upcoming film, Marley and Me, looks dreadful, but look at this GQ cover. Look at it! I do. Daily. If this naked photo shoot doesn't make Aniston Person of the Year worthy, then I am truly out of touch with reality.
2. Alan Keyes:
When Barack Obama won the presidency it was a joyous moment for millions of people. It was especially sweet for African-Americans who before never believed that America would have a Black president. It was an event that brought together a nation, started a healing process we so desperately needed. It also inspired former presidential hopeful and one-time Borat victim, Alan Keyes, to file a lawsuit against Obama, Biden, and a whole bunch of other folks, challenging our future president's eligibility for the US presidency. Sour grapes or a true American hero? Anyway you slice it, Alan Keyes took a bold, arguably retarded, stance and only time will tell what difference it will make, if any.
3. Joel McHale:
Joel McHale deserves a whole bevy of awards. This wonderful man is surrounded daily by the ignorance and stupidity of American society, yet he seems to remain sane. From the empty-headed automatons of The Hills to the probably herpes-ridden Ikki Twins to the five-headed, egomaniacal force of nature that is Tyra Banks, McHale suffers through them all for his loyal audience. Isn't it time we salute this god among mortals, TIME Magazine? Doesn't he deserve our praise and adoration?
4. Megan Hauserman:
Hauserman had the balls to call out Sharon Osbourne on basic cable this year, telling the shrill-voiced Brit that her fame is a result of a lucky marriage. This nugget of truthiness resulted in a physical altercation for which Osbourne is currently being investigated. Kudos, Megan. You were always my favorite bobble-headed skank on Rock of Love, Beauty and the Geek, Rock of Love Girls: Charm School, and I Love Money. Now go out there and make your home for mentally retarded dogs a reality. This is the kind of go-getter we need to appear on the covers of magazines, both porn and non-porn, respectively.
5. Flapjack:
Yes, I know he's a cartoon, but his positivity and passion for adventure makes my heart soar with the power of a million-billion smiles! If you haven't checked out this little fella's Cartoon Network program yet, what the hell are you waiting for?! I've been a loyal watcher for the past few months and I have never been disappointed. Confused and disturbed, but not disappointed. When will America see through the bullshit and elect a ficitional cartoon character as Commander and Chief? Flapjack for President!
6. This guy:
