No more! As my dad said last weekend while showing me a clip of an uncomfortable looking John McCain he'd recorded off Fox News, if you're not excited about this year's presidential race you can go sodomize yourself (I'm kidding--my dad didn't say that). These are exciting times, my fellow Americans, but unlike you I'm not that well-versed in the whole politics thing. So, I've turned to my good friend, Jordan Beall, with some questions about just what the hell is going on right now. This man eats, sleeps, and farts politics, so I've deemed him more than worthy to be GEP's very own political correspondent for a new feature I'm calling Talkin' Politics! So, let's start talkin'.
Matt: First off, what the heck was John McCain thinking?
Jordan: According to the Washington Post, McCain first wanted Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman or former PA Governor Tom Ridge to be his VP. But they are both liberal on social issues and the McCain team advised strongly against choosing either of them, believing it would lead to a protest on the convention floor. Sarah Palin's name had been floating around for a while, even The Weekly Standard had been pushing for her. McCain meet her last February at a governor's convention and was really taken by her intelligence and personality.
M: I've read that McCain is a big 30 Rock fan. Did he somehow get confused and think he was picking Tina Fey for VP? I mean, he's a 92 year old man, for God's sake.
J: I doubt he confused the two, but her resemblance to Tina Fey may have been the deciding factor that sealed the deal for him. McCain did host SNL back in 2001 and has fond memories of the show. I heard Lorne Michaels hired Tina Fey because of her resemblance to Sarah Palin, whom he met on a hunting trip to Alaska many years ago.
M: Is McCain telling the truth? Did he really know about all the shenanigans going on in the Palin family when he chose Sarah as his running mate?
J: Yes, when McCain's team first met with Palin in Alaska about possibly being the VP pick, Palin disclosed to them upfront that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant. McCain's team did some more investigating of her background before giving her their seal of approval. As for the Troopergate story with allegations that Palin pressured the state to fire her ex-brother-in-law, that has been in the news for a long time and McCain's team knew about that before visiting her.
But the process to select her was very quick. Obama's team spent months investigating all his possible VP picks, whereas McCain's team only spent a week or less investigating Palin. So there is a possibility something else could blow up.
M: And something else did, right? The whole affair with her husband's friend thing. And doesn't she advocate the hunting of wolves from airplanes?
J: The National Enquirer is claiming Palin had an affair with a business partner of her husband's. But the Enquirer is also claiming Laura Bush is going to divorce President Bush when they leave office (har har). The Enquirer has been challenged to support its Palin claims, but their only defense of the article was essentially "take our word for it."
M: I'll take your unwillingness to talk about shooting wolves from a commercial jetliner as support for the practice. So, was Sarah Palin the best choice?
J: Sarah Palin's nomination has electrified the party more than anyone else could. For three reasons:
1) She's one of them. She and the conservative base of the party share the same positions on all the major issues and they are very happy about that. McCain has been known to shun them over the years and that has caused a rift between him and a large section of the party. While they would mostly still vote for him, they wouldn't work the phones, volunteer, or push their friends to go out and vote. Now with Palin on the ticket they will be happy to do the legwork.
2) She's a woman and that would be a real feather in the cap for the Republicans to be the ones to make history by electing the first woman to national office - the party that is suppose to be full of the bigots and sexists - the anti-social progress party.
3) All the aesthetic things about her - she's beautiful, she knows who to fire a rifle and drive a snowmobile. She eats moose burgers and has five children. Her son is going to Iraq soon and even the fact her daughter is pregnant has generated much symphony among the social conservatives, boosting her appeal as a regular person with all the same problems anyone else has (FYI, the Bible Belt has the largest number of unwed pregnancies in the country).
M: Joe Biden vs. Sarah Palin in a debate: What does that look like?
J: Joe Biden has lots of experience as a six-term US senator. But he has a history of putting his foot in his mouth. Reporters call him a windbag because he can't give a simple short answer. He likes to drown on and on. The mystery of Sarah Palin will bring lots of attention to the debate. Biden will have to be careful not to be seen beating up on her or being condescending since there appears to be a sizable number of Hillary Clinton supporters who are still cool to voting for Obama.
M: How do you think Jack and Kate are going to get back to the island? Will Hugo go with them?
J: I believe they will all make it back to the island. I'm sure Ben has some magic way to find the island's new location. Also we'll see flashbacks of what happened to Locke after the survivors left. I'm sure before they leave we'll see the Oceanic 6 filling out their absentee ballots for McCain or Obama. It will be a very special election episode where the subject of the island will be put on hold and the characters all discuss and debate the issue of high gas prices and off shore drilling.
M: What are you most excited about in the coming months regarding the presidential race?
J: Sarah Palin. She is the great unknown. As Peggy Noonan wrote in the Wall Street Journal, she will either be a spectacular success or a spectacular failure.
