Miley Cyrus in 3-D?

It's Wednesday night, the wife is in New Jersey visiting her folks, I'm full of steak tacos--I guess it's time to finally watch the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Tour movie in glorious 3-D. I picked up my official Hannah Montana 3-D glasses from Wal-mart a couple of weeks ago, so I'm ready. Let's do this!
8:00- This movie has been edited for content? I'm guessing the Disney Channel has cut out the infamous scene in which Miley and Billy Ray forget to buckle their safety belts. Whew! Thanks, Disney Channel. The last thing this country needs right now is an epidemic of tweenage girls refusing to wear their seat-belts.

8:05- Um, the 3-D isn't working. Am I doing something wrong? Is it my television's fault? These opening credits are chock full of 3-D goodies that I'm not getting to experience.

8:17- I've tried wearing the 3-D glasses in a few different ways--over my regular glasses, under my regular glasses, without my regular glasses. I also tried sitting further away and for a second I pressed my nose to the TV screen. Nothing's popping out of my television. Everything is kind of blurry. I've got a headache. Maybe I'll see how the 3-D glasses work on the floor next to my feet. This is going to be Hondo all over again.

8:23- A montage of pre-pubescent girls screaming. The horror.

8:33- I caught myself tapping my toes to the Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers team-up, "We Got the Party With Us." I'm slightly embarrassed because I caught my cat watching me.

8:37- "This song is for all the ladies in the house," says Joe Jonas before the Bros launch into "When You Look Me in the Eyes." All the ladies? Do you mean all the 11 year olds, Joe? (Damn, the Jonas Boys are whiny. Is it too late to join that Anti-Jonas Facebook group?)

8:47- Finally, Hannah's gone and Miley is performing "Start All Over." Sorry, hipsters and music snobs, I like this song.

8:50- Cat finally leaves the room in disgust.

8:59- Hmmmmm, a Latin-tinged song. Yawn. I fast forward to the next number, a song written by Miley for her dead Pappy. It's cute. I'll give it a chance.

9:02- I get it now. Hannah Montana sings songs about "rocking out," "pumping up parties," and believing in yourself, while Miley sings about boys, break ups, and "GNOs." (Girls Night Out, duh!)

9:09- She's ending the show with "Best of Both Worlds?" Really? That's kind of lame. The finale feels like something you'd begrudgingly watch at an amusement park.

9:30- The whine of the Jonas Brothers still rings in my ears. What have I done?