So, the wife and I want to take the bus to Disney's Hollywood Studios last night to grab a bite to eat at Pizza Planet then take in the Fantasmic show at 9:00. We get to the bus stop with ample time to spare and, what luck, a bus is fast approaching. It hisses to a stop, but the front doors hesitate to slide open. The back doors hiss open though and the long process of removing the human cargo within begins. The human cargo, it turns out, is a slightly overweight family with a severely overweight matriarch. The bus lowers, the handicap ramp flips out onto the sidewalk, and Mama comes rolling down the ramp in her scooter-buggy, ass fat pouring over the worn leather seat like butterscotch on a soft-serve sundae. The family waddles/scooter-buggies inside the Pop Century Resort's commissary, most likely for frosty milkshakes and double-fudge chocolate cake, and the boarding of us none scooter-bound tourists can commence.I have seen three different types aboard these scooter-buggies over my last three days in the happiest place on Earth: those with broken legs, the elderly, and the morbidly obese. The last category of scooter-folk have been by far the largest group. Now the woman in my story was the kind of fat individual you might have once seen on the Jerry Springer show back in the day, you know, where Jerry would visit with his hefty guest inside a bedroom of which the wall was about to be knocked down, a crane at the ready to take fatty to the closest emergency room. Perhaps a day of walking for this type of obese person is difficult on the knees, hell on the lungs. Well, in that case, maybe you should considered losing the weight, I mean, for your health. I guarantee you would enjoy Disney World a lot more if you could walk on your own and perhaps not bring shame upon your extended family.
But, oh no, you see, the bulk of the scooter-fat can walk on two legs just as easily as you and me, my friends. I've seen them with my own two eyes--swapping scooter-time with their chubby relatives, making sure every fat-ass gets a ride on the shame-mobile. You see, if you are in a scooter-buggy-be you crippled, old, or big-boned-you get whisked to the front of every line. Oh, joy! Plus, everybody gets to wait for you to roll your lard-butt onto the motor-coaches to and from the hotels.Listen, fatties, the scooters are for Granny or Cousin Waldo with the gimpy leg or Uncle Benny who everyone knows will have to be buried in a grand piano when he passes, not for everyone who just couldn't control themselves at Epcot Germany's Biergarten Restaurant's all-you-care-to-eat buffet. Go on a diet and wait until you think you can spend a day walking around an amusement park before you visit or map out your Disney vacation marking food stands and benches for resting on your official park maps, just don't rent a scooter-buggy and get in my way everywhere. I mean seriously, how many scooters am I gonna get trapped behind this week? They are literally everywhere. C'mon, fat-asses...
STOP ALREADY!!!
