Movie Penguin Wednesday: #17. Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

The mystery of "shrim" has finally be revealed. On one level, I wish it hadn't. I could've gone my entire life ignorant to the ins-and-outs of "shrim" and its alleged benefits to the human psyche. Of course, my life would have been nothing but an empty, mirthless wasteland, much like the S'wallow Valley Mall and Pizza Court before (and after, I guess) Dobis PR gets their hands on it. What I'm saying is that I'll gladly endure three minutes of the most horrifying, yet oddly compelling and disgustingly hilarious, act I've ever seen in a motion picture. To be fair, I haven't seen The Human Centipede, but I can guarantee that the shrim/sex montage in Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie gives that thing a run for its money.

I should admit right here at the top that I am a huge fan of both Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim. I am, undoubtedly, the audience for this movie. That said, you should understand that all of the praise that I am about to spew shrim-style on Tim and Eric's first full-length feature is spewing from someone who loves everything these guys do. I proudly wear my Rats Off To Ya t-shirt to formal events. I am training my daughter to refer to her grandfather as Pep-Pep. I regularly sing medleys of Casey and his brother tunes before, during, and after making love to my wife. Like I said, I'm a fan.

What I'm trying to impart to you is that Tim and Eric are not for everybody. I can't readily identify with people who they aren't for (Well, that's kind of a lie. I get along with my wife quite well), but there it is. An audience at Sundance this year walked out of the film's premiere in droves, a lot of them before the "shrim" scene unleashes it's terrible fury. I don't understand these people. And I don't want to. They aren't people I want to know.

With Billion Dollar Movie, Tim and Eric are not--repeat, not!--looking to extend their fanbase, in fact, I don't think that was ever the plan. If it does, you know, grow their legions of loyal fans, I don't even think they'd give a shit. And that's why I like Tim and Eric so much. Tom Goes to the Mayor, Awesome Show, Great Job!, their calls to The Best Show on WFMU, Eric's music videos--they do whatever the hell they want. They know what they think is funny and they do it. They don't compromise. They don't care if it plays here, there, or anywhere on the planet Earth. They go for it. That's the kind of comedy I enjoy, the kind of comedy I respect.
Enough of my fan-fapping. What's this thing about? Is it about anything? My wife asked me during breakfast Sunday morning, "Is it just a bunch of Tim and Eric sketches edited together?" To this I say, no, but there are several elements of Awesome Show here: spot-on low-rent local commercial parodies; cameos from Awesome Show's stable of oddball regulars, including James Quall performing a bread-themed stand-up set at an all-bread restaurant; a preoccupation with father/son relationships; and gallons of various body fluids.

Billion Dollar Movie opens with, well, Tim and Eric's billion dollar movie, a three minute film based on the poem "Bonjour, Diamond Jim," starring a Johnny Depp impersonator whom the duo mistook for the actual Johnny Depp during filming. This, of course, only accounts for a small portion of the billion dollars invested by the Schlaaang Corporation. Heidecker and Wareheim have decked their leading man in a suit made entirely of diamonds, purchased themselves expensive Hollywood makeovers, and hired a spiritual advisor, Jim Joe Kelly (Zach Galifianakis). Upon seeing the finished product, Tommy Schlaaang (Robert Loggia), demands his billion dollar investment back.

Broke and unable to pay Schlaaang, Tim and Eric drown their sorrows in coke, women, and penis piercings. During their night of debauchery however, they see a commercial that offers a quick and easy way to make exactly one billion dollars: revive the S'wallow Valley Mall and Pizza Court, a rundown shopping plaza plagued by diseased vagrants, shitty stores, and at least one dangerous wolf. Tim and Eric, believing this to be the only way to pay their debt to Schlaaang, dub themselves Dobis (fashioned from the phrase "Doing Business") PR and journey to S'wallow Valley.

There they find, well, a rundown shopping plaza plagued by diseased vagrants, the diseased-iest being Taquito, a shuffling man-child who was left at the mall when he was little and now lives in the walls, played by John C. Reilly; shitty stores, like the used toilet paper outlet--the owner of which has his son stolen away by Tim--and the sword store owned by Allen Bishopman (Will Forte), who apparently is paid by the state to not sell swords; and at least one dangerous wolf. Tim and Eric offer to turn the mall around, previous owner/Top Gun super-fan Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell) gladly hands it over, and Dobis PR does what it can to make a billion dollars.

Oh, and then there's "shrim."

Something gross is about to happen...

I don't want to give much more of Billion Dollar Movie away because it really must be seen to be believed. Tim and Eric fans, this is the Tim and Eric movie you've longed for. Trust me. You will not be disappointed. Any loved ones you coerce/force/trick into watching it with you might be, but that's their problem really. I mean, seriously, what's wrong with them? Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have created an instant cult classic, a midnight movie that will bewilder, disgust, and entertain generations of weirdos until the end of time. Great job! (Read that in Bob Odenkirk's voice if you can.)