Tawdry Tuesday: The Old "Lost Wedding Ring" Routine

Melrose Place is set in a simpler time when computers were bulky, the GAP was still considered hip, and tired sitcom tropes were all the rage. How else do you explain "Lost and Found," the third episode of MP's premiere season. Billy uses a lumpy computer with the smallest screen imaginable (It looks like the kind of "futuristic" computer you'd see on a spaceship in an Italian sci-fi movie from the 1970's.) to type his first screenplay; the 90210 gang (Ugh! Why won't they go away?!?) discuss Kelly's love life while shopping for jeans at the GAP; and Jane loses her wedding ring during a raucous night on the town with a couple of musicians. Didn't I see this same plot on Perfect Strangers once? If not Perfect Strangers, then every other situation comedy ever taped before a live studio audience. The old "lost wedding ring" routine is a fairly standard bit of business. I guess I just wasn't expecting it so soon.

The wedding ring in question is Jane's. After two failed attempts to celebrate her and Michael's Three-Months-in-Los-Angeles anniversary--because that's something people do--Jane opts for a night at Shooters with Rhonda. Sandy--she of the laughable Southern accent--convinces Jane to remove her wedding ring for the evening to see if she's still got "it." Jane, who is only 23-years-old and most certainly still has "it," obliges and before long,she is whisked away to a dance club by a long-haired, Percy Shelley-quoting, wannabe rock star.

(Re: whether or not Jane's still got "it": While perusing my notes before writing this review, I noticed a blurb scribbled next to the episode title in my notebook which read "Jane is bot!" Fairly certain that Jane Mancini is not, in fact, a cyborg, I believe I meant to write "Jane is hot." And she is hot! That's the "it" everyone's talking about, right? Josie Bissett is drop-dead gorgeous. Why would her character be unsure of said hotness? Dumb.)

Anyway, the rocker goofball wants to speed things up a little, so Jane admits she is married. To prove it, she reaches into her coat pocket to retrieve her ring--a Mancini family heirloom from the old country--and finds that it is missing. She searches the entire dance club, but finds nothing, and returns home intending to tell Michael everything. Michael, however, feeling awful about blowing Jane off at the hospital, has filled the apartment they share with candles and chili dogs. Ah, romance.

Just before the Mancini's get down to some sexy business, Jane decides to come clean about her wild (?) evening. Before she can reveal how totally non-wild it was though, Sandy shows up at the front door with her wedding ring, which she found in a trash can at Shooters. God is in His heaven and everything is right with the world once again. Credits.

Also in this episode...

--Billy finishes his screenplay, "The Big Shock," and asks Alison to read it. She hates it. To soften the blow, Alison makes Billy a tuna casserole. Billy gets mad for five whole minutes.

--Kelly Taylor tries to seduce Jake while they make a lasagna. Jake rebuffs Kelly's advances. Later, the couple is visited by an actress Jake has hired to accuse Jake of being a "crumb bum." Kelly leaves, hopefully forever.

Questions:

1. Was every character on this show an English major in college? Everyone is always making and/or understanding literary quotes that I don't even get and I was an English major in college!

Answered Questions:

1. It's official: Michael is an actual doctor. He's dressed in scrubs, on call, and hanging out in a hospital break room anyway. I'd be pretty surprised if he is simply running some sort of long con, but this is Melrose Place, so, who knows.

Lost Alum Alert:

--Nestor Cabornell (Richard Alpert on Lost) plays a bass player Rhonda and Jane meet at Shooters.