Really, Domino's? I've got to see more of your irritating apology commercials in 2012? We get it. You listened to the criticism of your product--criticism tweeted and scrawled on message board walls by people who have nothing better to do with their time then rail against third-tier delivery pizza--and you made a change. Good for you. It takes a lot to admit that your product is garbage. I hope the fat losers who shamed you on Facebook, Twitter, and wherever else, tried your new and improved product and changed their mind. I never thought your pizza was that bad, though, if I'm being honest, Domino's is typically my last resort choice when it comes to choosing a corporate pizza (I prefer Papa John's. Something about the sauce. It's kinda sweet.). It's nothing personal. Your pizza's fine. You're not running a five-star pizza joint. Most Domino's are housed in strip malls between a Dollar General and a karate school. I never expected a mind-blowing experience when I ordered food from a Domino's, just something hot and round with pepperoni on it that tasted generally pizza-esque. On that level, Domino's, you always delivered.
But Domino's felt bad about ripping off the American consumer and creating a culture of pizza disgust with their sub par product, so they decided to turn things around, and they invited all of us to come along. Invited is the wrong word. Invited implies we had a choice on whether or not we joined Domino's on its redemptive journey. The basically forced themselves into our homes, in an effort, I guess, to make us like/trust them again. Hmmmm.
Is Domino's headquarters located in an old Bond villain hideout?
Anyway, that was 2011 Domino's--all "woe is us" and "sorry about all the sucking" and "we promise to do better." It got old. Real old. But, hey, maybe it worked. I don't keep up with business news or news of any kind, so I don't know how things are going for Domino's. I do know I can't watch TV for more then ten seconds without seeing this "we're sorry our cheesy bread isn't good, but we'll do better, promise" commercial. Are they really going to continue this into 2012? And who gives a shit about cheesy bread? I didn't even know Domino's offered a cheesy bread option until they informed me that their cheesy bread sucks. And why does Domino's head chef want us to jump rope with Domino's cheesy bread? And why are people ordering cheesy bread and breadsticks from Domino's or any other pizza place? It's just crust! There's a breadstick on the end of every pizza slice you cram into your greasy mouth. And you know there are people who discard their crust, but polish off six or seven cheesy breadsticks. It should be no mystery to anyone why were the fattest nation in the world. Maybe if more people jumped rope with Domino's cheesy bread, got some exercise while bingeing on their cut-rate pizza...
In summation: STFU, DOMINO'S PIZZA!
