It is a question akin to those old classics "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" and "Where were you on 9/11?" (For the record, not alive and at my parents' old house eating Cap'n Crunch respectively.): Where were you when Ashton Kutcher made his network television premiere as Charlie Sheen's replacement on CBS's situation comedy pogrom--I'm sorry, program--Two and a Half Men? Has there every been a more exciting time to be alive in America? I submit that there has been. I also submit that there have been many, many millions of time periods in which it was more exciting to be alive in America? And I finally submit that the return of Two and a Half Men, nay, the very creation of Two and a Half Men in the first place is the nadir of televised entertainment in these United States.I'm willing to admit that this is a harsh assessment of a show of which I've never actually seen an entire episode. I've heard it playing in another room. I once watched the end of an episode with my in-laws. I think my parents were watching it one time when I was home for a visit years ago. From these varied experiences, I have concluded that Two and a Half Men is firmly rooted in sexism, fond of filthy sex talk, and painfully unfunny. If this is an unfair conclusion, let me know in our comments section. I should inform you that no matter how you choose to defend TaaHM, I will ignore you and continue to not care.
Here's my question: what's wrong with letting a show die? From what I can gather, it seems as if TaaHM has a large, in all probability largely deaf and blind, fanbase. I further assume that this fanbase is largely a fanbase in the first place because of Charlie Sheen's involvement. Sheen helped make TaaHM a gigantic, unfunny success for years and years. Everyone involved made some fat stacks. Hell, I bet the Half-Man got laid a couple times off it. Everybody prospered, Jon Cryer won some awards, and for awhile anyway, bowling shirts were all the rage again. Following Sheen's very public freak out (Remember when the terms "winning" and "tiger blood" were funny? Me neither.), the show seemed to be over. It should have been over. The world of Two and a Half Men should have been Charlie and Ducky and the Half-Man. Now there's some weird added chapter about Kelso moving in with Charlie's family or whatever? Why? Who wants that? What does this final chapter of the TaaHM story--and trust me, this is sooooooo the final chapter--add to anything? You're already in syndication, guys. Why not hang it up.
Listen, if you've got to watch Two and a Half Men tonight to win a bet or something, do it, but everybody else, c'mon. Let's not do what CBS already knows were all gonna do and turn the channel after tonight's 1-hour premiere of How I Met Your Mother. The reason "they" keep renewing shows that should've been put to sleep seasons ago or thrusting former cast members of That 70's Show in our faces year after year, is because we keep going back again and again. The networks know this, so they're not gonna stop clogging the airwaves with unfunny bullshit. It's our fault ultimately.
Or maybe I'm just an asshole. My Ashton Kutcher on Two and Half Men is going to revolutionize the sit-com. If so, will somebody just tell me about, because I am never, never going to see it. Come 9:00 tonight, I'm-a be knee deep in some Golden Girls, bitch!
