I'm pretty sick of vampires. There. I said it. Sure, I still watch True Blood, but that's because I'm loyal to a fault. And this season's been pretty good. But still. For awhile there you couldn't swing a dead cat--or any other dead pet for that matter...why does it always have to be dead cats people want to swing around?--without smacking some vampire property in it's pasty, sparkled face. Twilight. Vampire Diaries. The aforementioned True Blood. That thing on ABC about vampires living in a cul-de-sac or something. I may have dreamed that one. That webseries I had a hand in for a short time. And all the vampire books. And Hot Topic. And that vampire who ran for governor of Minnesota. And those vampires that moved in across the street last week (That's a story for another day, my friends. Sheesh! The noises coming out of that place at 3 AM. It's enough to wake the dead.). So, anyway, vampires.America needed something new, another supernatural creature to fall in love with. Mtv went "werewolf," after "awkward teenager with a big dick" didn't work. Everyone else went zombie. People love zombies. They shuffle around. They moan. The eat the flesh of the living. So, yeah, suddenly zombies were everywhere. And almost as suddenly, I stopped caring.
Question: Is there a young adult novel series about a hateful adolescent girl who falls in love with a dreamy zombie--a dreamy zombie who has turned his back on eating brains--and plays baseball with his zombie family somewhere in the Pacific Northwest? I want to read it if there is.
The zombie genre, while much beloved by nerd and non-nerd alike, is generally pretty static. Sure, you can make your zombies run fast or vary the way they transport the zombie disease to their victims, but what else can you do? They're still shuffling--or brisk jogging--corpses with a veracious appetite and very little to say. You can tell people your zombie story is metaphor for the sorry state of the government or the war in Afghanistan or a reflection on racism, but what isn't? Zombies, like vampires, are in need of an overhaul. Or maybe I just need a break. I could tell myself this is the last year I watch True Blood, but think of all the shots of Anna Paquin's nipples I'll miss. Seriously. Think about Paquin's nipples for a second. Take a few seconds.
The zombie genre, while much beloved by nerd and non-nerd alike, is generally pretty static. Sure, you can make your zombies run fast or vary the way they transport the zombie disease to their victims, but what else can you do? They're still shuffling--or brisk jogging--corpses with a veracious appetite and very little to say. You can tell people your zombie story is metaphor for the sorry state of the government or the war in Afghanistan or a reflection on racism, but what isn't? Zombies, like vampires, are in need of an overhaul. Or maybe I just need a break. I could tell myself this is the last year I watch True Blood, but think of all the shots of Anna Paquin's nipples I'll miss. Seriously. Think about Paquin's nipples for a second. Take a few seconds.[SPOILERS AHEAD for those of you who care about that stuff.]
Gary Sherman's Dead and Buried is ultimately a zombie story, but here's the kicker: they don't know they're zombies and neither do we until deep into the film. This makes the film both novel and utterly nonsensical. It's best not to reflect on Dead and Buried too much after the credits roll. Doing so will do nothing but lower your already kinda low opinion of this little known fright film that is actually full of potential.
The film is set in idyllic Potter's Bluff, a small New England town home to all sorts of good old boys, eccentric oldsters, and buxom ladies. In fact, George "Freddie" LaMoyne, a visiting photographer, meets one of these buxom ladies on the beach one afternoon while snapping pics of various beachy falderal. They engage in some playful banter, and before you know it, the sexy blond has her blouse off and the moment has become a Penthouse letter. George, anxious to close the deal and get down with a little afternoon delight, moves in for a snog and is instantly surrounded by camera and shovel-wielding maniacs, who tie him to a post, cover him liberally in gasoline and set him ablaze. "Welcome to Potter's Bluff," the women who sets George alight sneers. This is our first clue that things are a little off in good old Potter's Bluff.
It's up to Sheriff Dan Gillis to find those responsible for this horrible murder attempt--oh yeah, George survives for a little while longer--though we already know who they are: Dan's fellow Potter's Bluffians. Creepy! The woman who set George on fire is the woman who serves Dan his coffee at the Potter's Bluff cafe! His deputy, played by a young Robert Englund, is one of the camera-wielding psychopaths that documented George's assault! Dan is surrounded by murderers and they are nowhere near the end of their killing spree.
It's up to Sheriff Dan Gillis to find those responsible for this horrible murder attempt--oh yeah, George survives for a little while longer--though we already know who they are: Dan's fellow Potter's Bluffians. Creepy! The woman who set George on fire is the woman who serves Dan his coffee at the Potter's Bluff cafe! His deputy, played by a young Robert Englund, is one of the camera-wielding psychopaths that documented George's assault! Dan is surrounded by murderers and they are nowhere near the end of their killing spree.Shortly after George is dispatched by a needle in the brain--administered by the sexy beach blonde now dressed as a nurse--a drunken vagrant is viciously beaten to death. When a lost family on vacation asks for directions at the Potter's Bluff Cafe, they are pursued and drowned in their station wagon. An unfortunate teenage hitchhiker has her skull caved in with a large rock. The bodies are piling up and Dan doesn't know what to do.
Dead and Buried successfully builds tension for most of it's running time. The mystery of why this is happening and who is behind it is intriguing. Unfortunately, when the answers are revealed, they're a little dumb.
Dead and Buried successfully builds tension for most of it's running time. The mystery of why this is happening and who is behind it is intriguing. Unfortunately, when the answers are revealed, they're a little dumb.We get our first clue when Dan discovers a book on witchcraft in his wife's panty drawer. "What's this?" he asks, having earlier in the film suspecting his wife of having an affair with George, the burned up photographer. "Oh, I'm teaching my class about witchcraft and voodoo," she says matter-of-factly. Makes sense. Later, Dan spies on Janet while she gives her lesson on voodoo. As intelligent movie watchers, we now understand what is going on in Potter's Bluff. Someone is reanimating corpses and controlling them. "The way to control them, "Janet tells her class, "is to hide their hearts from them." Really? By the way, she says this to the little boy who was drowned with his mother and father a few scenes earlier. Oh, yeah, and George/Freddie now works at the gas station. And the drunk? Well, he's still a drunk, but now he drives a truck.
But who is playing Dr. Frankenstein with any and everyone who has the misfortune of crossing over into Potter's Bluff city limits? Well, it's none other than Potter's Bluff's own mortician/coroner, William Dobbs, a mad scientist of sorts who was chased out of Rhode Island for taking liberties with dead bodies earlier in his career. Dan approaches him about his former and latest crimes, asking how he does it, reanimates the dead. Dobbs, because of lazy writing, I suspect, answers, "I'm not going to get into that right now." What? Why not? Isn't that what we've been waiting for? While Dobbs doesn't reveal how he does it, he does explain why. Simply put: he loves to gussy up dead people. He explains that every few week days or so he has to fix up his rotting friends and neighbors. He fancies himself an artist and considers his greatest work of art Janet, Dan's wife. Yes, Janet is a zombie. And just to prove it to the audience, the director has Dan unload his gun into her.
There is a twist ending too, but if you can't figure that one out yourself, well, how do you get dressed in the morning? Brush your own teeth? Wipe yourself? Just think about it for a minute! It'll come to you.
Dead and Buried is a different kind of zombie story, but with that originality comes evidence as to why zombie stories maybe shouldn't be tweaked too much. Maybe zombie stories work better when the zombies are just shuffling and moaning and eating. Adding more layers and turning your zombie tale into a mystery is neat, but it also creates canyon-sized plot holes that are hard to ignore.
