Canada's Barenaked Ladies had at least a plastic Food Lion bag full of decent songs before they broke big time in the US with 98's "One Week," a song that, for better or worse, still endures in the national consciousness, if only because of its enduring stupidity. I had been a fan of the Ladies for awhile before "One Week" barged in and ruined everything. Still, I thought, if "One Week" inspires people to check out Gordon--a solid album to this day, in my opinion--or, to a slightly lesser extent but still an extent, Maybe You Should Drive--I still have soft spots for "Jane" and "Everything Old Is New Again"), then all is not lost. I also wondered what Barenaked Ladies would do next. Perhaps another pop classic in the vein of "Brian Wilson" or the immensely hummable, pleasant enough "If I Had $1000000." That'd be nice. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I remember the day "Another Postcard" premiered on my local alternative rock station ('member those???). It was the same day I lost all interest in not only the Barenaked Ladies, but in all Canadian music. When I heard Stars for the first time, I decided the Canadian rock community deserved a second chance. I've never turned back.
"Another Postcard" is awful. In its attempt to recapture the quirky magic of "One Week," it fails more miserably than anything has ever failed before or since. It is pure garbage; an assault on the ears and brains of a naive nation that had invited these funny, musically talented Canadian lads into its hearts five years earlier with magical results. "Another Postcard" was the last straw for me and I'd guess many others.
7. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (Tori Amos)
I know a lot of you don't agree with me on this, but hear me out. First, however, a story. My high school girlfriend and I made mountains of mix tapes for each other. I usually stuck to a theme ("The Best of The Smiths & Morrissey"; "They Might Be Giants: My Favorites") while hers were more scattershot. She used to decorate her mix tapes beautifully as well. I think I still have most of them lying around. They really are quite nice and I still enjoy most of the music they contain. Anyway, one of the mix tapes she presented to me included Tori Amos covering Nirvana's biggest hit of all time. My reaction was to laugh, exclaim "what the fuck," and fast forward to the next song, which was the style at the time. When next we were together, she asked me how I'd enjoyed her latest mix. I said I liked it, but asked, probably a little harsher than was necessary--I could be kind of an asshole when I was younger--"What was up with that awful Nirvana cover?" To my surprise, she teared up, saying, "I thought you would like it!" This exchange probably ruined the evening. May have led to one of our hundreds of break-ups. Sigh. Young love.
I know a lot of you don't agree with me on this, but hear me out. First, however, a story. My high school girlfriend and I made mountains of mix tapes for each other. I usually stuck to a theme ("The Best of The Smiths & Morrissey"; "They Might Be Giants: My Favorites") while hers were more scattershot. She used to decorate her mix tapes beautifully as well. I think I still have most of them lying around. They really are quite nice and I still enjoy most of the music they contain. Anyway, one of the mix tapes she presented to me included Tori Amos covering Nirvana's biggest hit of all time. My reaction was to laugh, exclaim "what the fuck," and fast forward to the next song, which was the style at the time. When next we were together, she asked me how I'd enjoyed her latest mix. I said I liked it, but asked, probably a little harsher than was necessary--I could be kind of an asshole when I was younger--"What was up with that awful Nirvana cover?" To my surprise, she teared up, saying, "I thought you would like it!" This exchange probably ruined the evening. May have led to one of our hundreds of break-ups. Sigh. Young love.
But, yeah, I still can't get into this. "But she's slowed it down and turned it into a stirring piano ballad, Matt!" Sure, she slowed it down and enunciated the words, but doesn't that just sorta expose how dumb the lyrics are? I mean, when Kurt Cobain was yelping and growling, it didn't matter what he was saying. The guitars were loud, the drums caved your face in, and he said something about guns or whatever. Awesome! "Smells Like Teen Spirit" isn't a tinkly piano tune whispered by a flame-haired pixie, it's an angry, stompy grunge diatribe grumbled by a heroin addict who used to live like a bridge troll. Trolls are always smashing pixies with their clubs. It's the law of Faerie, and I think that is something Tori Amos could appreciate.
8. "All Star" (Smash Mouth)
In 2000, Smash Mouth's "All Star" was king. You couldn't escape it. Humanity's only comfort came from knowing that some day--some beautiful day--it would dissolve into the ether and become lost forever, unable to taint future generations with its schlocky mediocrity.
In 2000, Smash Mouth's "All Star" was king. You couldn't escape it. Humanity's only comfort came from knowing that some day--some beautiful day--it would dissolve into the ether and become lost forever, unable to taint future generations with its schlocky mediocrity.
But it didn't go away. And it will never go away. It's like Dracula. Or the AIDS virus. It won't die! Turn on your TV for five seconds and there'll be a commercial with its haunting refrain taunting you with its shittiness. Pop in a DVD for your kid and more likely than not one of the characters is going to break into singing it before the closing credits. Could be a sass-talking donkey or a farting ogre, but it's going to happen. In fact, according to the Wikipedia entry dedicated to "All Star," Steven Harwell, Smash Mouth's lead singer, originally considered simply selling the song to advertisers rather than put it on the band's second album, Astro Lounge--available now at flea markets, thrift stores, and bottoms of fetid dumpsters everywhere.
Listen, simply put, if you have ever liked the song "All Star" by Smash Mouth, me and you will probably not get along. Clearly, we will never see eye-to-eye on not only music, but a variety of issues. So, let's just agree to disagree and go our separate ways, all right? Good. Have a nice life, you dummy.
