Sure, you think you've got a pretty sweet deal going right now, being a kid and all, but remember, you still have to go to school, do your homework, set the table, and brush your teeth every single day (sometimes twice!!!). Plus, you've got a bed time. Yep, your parents have conferred with one another and bestowed upon you a specific time at which they expect you to be in your bed, under the covers, sawing logs. Adults don't have a bed time. We can stay up all night if we feel so inclined. And while were staying up late, we can watch movies. Movies with boobs. Naked boobs.
Yeah, being a kid is fun, but wait until you turn 18. Or better yet, 21. Or even betterer still: 32! I can only imagine how great 37, 45, 56, and 63 are gonna be. Here now is a list of things you can look forward to doing and/or enjoying when you stop being a boring little kid and start being a totally awesome adult. Jealous yet?
1. Smoking (legally)
2. Drinking (legally)
3. Swearing
4. Choosing your own path to God
5. Choosing to forgo the whole "path to God" thing
6. Internet porn (legally)
7. Adult Swim
8. Asian school girls
9. Catholic school girls (non-Asian)
10. Catholic school girls (Asian)
11. Rare steak
12. Sex
13. Browsing in an ABC store
14. Browsing the adult magazine section of your local newsstand
15. Voting
16. Rock shows
17. Peep shows
18. Rated R movies
19. Tattoos
20. Pierced ears
21. Pierced nipples
22. Pierced taint
23. Driving
24. Speeding
25. Contesting a speeding ticket
26. Decorating your cubicle
27. Dirty jokes
28. Racist jokes
29. Strip clubs
30. Gambling
31. Bar-hopping
32. Sunday afternoon football
33. Not having to be "cool" all the time
34. Pierced balls
35. High blood pressure
36. Prostate examinations (for men only)
37. Beer bellies (men and women)
38. Phone sex
39. Road Rage
40. Bad mouthing your boss to your co-workers
41. Bad mouthing your co-workers to your boss
42. Bad mouthing your co-workers and your boss to your significant other
43. Marriage
44. Honeymoon
45. Your first child
46. Settling into a routine
47. Therapy
48. Couple's therapy
49. Alcoholics Anonymous
50. Good music
51. High cholesterol
52. Pierced clitoral hood (women only)
53. Anti-depressants
54. Plastic surgery
55. Drinking as much soda as you want
56. Eating as much ice cream as you want
57. Staying up as late as you want
58. Realizing that doing 55, 56, and 57 is totally stupid
59. Conservative talk radio
60. Falling asleep at 7:30 on a Friday night
61. Death
