TV is back! Finally! No longer must I be content to watch Jersey Shore, explaining to concerned friends and family alike, "But it's the only thing on." It's Fall--or Autumn, for you season nerds--and that means the return of old friends, as well as, a whole new batch of potential friends waiting to be made. I've heard the leaves change color or something also, but why concern oneself with the going-ons of the outside world now that TV has returned? If the trees are so important, I'm sure they'll do an Arbor Day episode of Community. Over the next week or so, GEP is going to take a look at some returning favorites, some new soon-to-be favorites, and probably more than a few stinkers, in our latest feature New TV Time: 2010 Edition. Grab your pork rinds, fellow couch potatoes, because this television season is just getting started.
1. Gossip Girl (The CW): I am an unapologetic fan of The CW's premiere teen melodrama. I've been a devoted fan from the first time Gossip Girl herself started slinging around half-truths and rumors about Serena, Blair, Lonely Boy, Nate, Chuck Bass, Little J, and the rest of them, for the enjoyment of New York City's most elite (see "spoiled) teenaged a-holes. Fans will tell you that Gossip Girl is always best when it goes completely off the rails, and season four's premiere did not disappoint. This show is already off the rails, the passenger cars are upside down, and the engineer is rolling around in a nearby field engulfed in flames and screaming: Serena is vacationing in Paris and banging every French dude in sight; Nate has been using Chuck's little black book to keep himself knee deep in sweet, sweet poon all summer long; Chuck, who when we left him last season had just been mugged and shot in the guts somewhere in Eastern Europe, is calling himself "Henry" and tooling around Europe with the mysterious woman who saved his life; and Dan is the father of Georgina's baby, Milo. Insane! I can't even imagine what's in store for Dan's drug-dealing, jail-baiting, short-skirted sister, Jenny. Come on meth addiction!
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX): If you haven't yet watch Sunny (Jonathan!), you need to because you'd love it (Jonathan!). I've only seen seasons 1, 2, and 3--I've actually watched 3 about 4 times, since I own it and all...jealous?--but I was still excited about last week's big Season 6 premiere, "Mac Fights Gay Marriage." And the episode delivered that old Philly magic. Dennis married his 10th grade sweetheart after breakfast at Subway; Dee slept with the older, fatter version of her own high school crush, despite the fact that his presence still made her dry heave and that he was married; Charlie and Frank started the process of becoming domestic partners, aka "two straight guys who are married"; and Mac, upon discovering that the transsexual he's been having an on-again/off-again relationship from the beginning of the series finally got her penis removed and subsequently married a fat dude, did, well, exactly what the title of the episode promised. It's good to have the gang back. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia guarantees that it's always funny in my basement. Was that going too far (Jonathan?)?
3. Powers of Attorney (ABC Family): Powers of Attorney tells the story of a family of lawyers that discover they have superhuman abilities during a camping trip in the Pacific Northwest. I didn't think I was going to like this show, the premise making it very difficult for me to suspend my disbelief. I could buy the mother and father being lawyers, but their 14-year-old son and their infant daughter? Turns out, the son, Normy, is kind of a Doogie Howser wunderkind or something, who graduated from law school at 12-years-old; and Gracie, the couples' infant daughter, will, in the future, become the youngest trial attorney in the history of the world (The mother, played by Janine Turner, has the ability to see into the future and reveals this plot point before the first commercial break). In the pilot episode, the Jergusons discover their various powers while rescuing another family from a rock slide. Unknown to the Jergusons, the family they save from certain crushing, the Millers, are a family of evil super villains bent on world domination. I don't know if I'm going to keep watching Powers of Attorney. I didn't really like that Janine Turner's character could see that her daughter would be a famous baby lawyer, but didn't know that the Millers were destined to become her family's archenemies. Plus, Normy's power (razor sharp arm and leg hair) is kind of lame. But I liked the locations and thought the editing of the "Next Week on Powers of Attorney" preview was pretty snazzy. I may give it a second try.
4. Terriers (FX): Donal Logue and Michael Raymond-James star as Hank Dolworth and Britt Pollack respectively in this new series from the writer of Matchstick Men and Ocean's Eleven. It is the story of a recovering alcoholic/ex-cop and his friend who go into the private investigation business together. They aren't licensed, so they can do all kinds of things PIs bound by the laws of society can't, like steal dogs for laundromat owners, which they do in the first five minutes of the pilot episode. I currently have three episodes of Terriers on my DVR, but I've only watched the pilot, and I've got to admit that I'm pretty excited to see what this show has to offer. The writing is crisp, the characters are amusing and quirky without being irritating, and the overarching story that the pilot lays down is downright intriguing. I'm calling this one a Must-See for 2010.
5. Comics' Pets Unleashed (Animal Planet): Everyone loves Byron Allen's Comics Unleashed. I mean, how often do we get to watch our favorite stand-up comedians do their acts sitting down? Not often enough, if ever, I'd say. Byron Allen put this groundbreaking concept on the syndicated TV map with this multiple award winning television program. And now he's at it again. We already know how funny Dat Phan, Ralphie May, Big Rome, and Michael Winslow can be when they sit down and perform workshopped bits at one another while a laugh track clues home viewers in to where punchlines are, but what about their pets? Allen knows animals can be as funny as humans, and on his newest venture, Allen invites the pets of famous comedians to sit onstage and be funny for 20 minutes or so. The results are hit and miss. I thought Paula Poundstone's cat, Foofal, was fairly amusing, though his "ball of twine" routine was a little hackneyed. They had to bleep Chris Rock's parrot, Dilbert, so much, I could barely keep track of what she was saying. And Mo'Nique's pug, Freshious, just humped Byron's leg for the duration of the program. Gilbert Gottfried's ferret, Iago, wouldn't even come out of its cage. Altogether disappointing, but I'll stick with it since I'm such a massive Byron Allen fan.
Coming soon: Boardwalk Empire, Running Wilde, The Ev-Backward E-nt, Hawaii 5-0, and more!
