Body Heat (1981)
Around the 10 minute mark of Body Heat, I sighed and said aloud, "I get it! You're a noir!" Maybe I can only stomach noir-style dialogue when the movie is in black and white, but something about the first half hour of Lawrence Kasdan's steamy thriller turned me off. As the plot thickened however, I found myself growing more and more engrossed in the doomed love affair between shady defense attorney Ned Racine, played to sleaze-ball perfection by a mustachioed William Hurt, and Matty Walker, an unhappily married sexpot with a penchant for wind chimes, played by a young, frequently nude, Kathleen Turner. Hurt and Turner smolder and sweat and eventually scheme to murder Matty's ridiculously rich, ridiculously elderly husband and take all his money. It's all pretty rote and predictable, but Hurt and Turner give particularly good performances and watching a young Ted Danson dance Fred Astaire-style all over the place is endlessly amusing and weird.
My grade: B-
Best pick-up line ever: "Hey, lady, ya wanna fuck?" -Ned Racine, accidentally, to Matty's gal pal, Mary Ann
My tagline: "The heat can make a man do crazy things...like grow a dumb mustache."
In the Mood for Love (2000)
Friend of the blog Gabe Sealy-Morris calls director Wong Kar-wai's 2000 film In the Mood for Love a "perfect movie," and I'm inclined to agree. The film is gorgeous to look at. The actors, music, and colors (yes, colors) meld together beautifully, engulfing the viewer in a movie experience that is incredibly moving. Love is the story of two neighbors who learn that their significant others are carrying on a secret affair with one another. The two jilted spouses bond over this as well as their shared love of martial arts serials, in fact, much of the movie sees the two of them writing a martial arts story of their own. Lovers of sappy, predictable love stories will not enjoy In the Mood for Love--they may find it just a little too real. Hey, whatever, man. Love sucks sometimes, especially the awkward, unrequited kind. Get used to it.
My grade: A
Die Hard (1988)
I'm just going to say it: Die Hard might be the coolest movie ever made. The fact that it took me this bloody long to see it is criminal and I'm ready to accept any ridicule one might want to heap on top of me for this folly. Let's be fair though: I have finally experienced it and am now a die hard member of the Die Hard cult.
For those who haven't seen it yet (i.e. joyless losers), Die Hard tells the story of NYPD officer John McClane, who with the help of Family Matters' Carl Winslow, foils the plot of a greasy band of Eurotrash thieves, led by the sinister and sophisticated Hans Gruber, to steal large quantities of money from a major Japanese corporation in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve. Phew! You think reading the above sentence was exhausting, wait until you've run around a high-tech, super skyscraper shooting German bad-guys with John McClane for two hours.
I know he's in the next three sequels but...: During the scene where McClane jumps off the roof of the Naktomi building just as said roof explodes in a fireball of death, my body actually folded in on itself. It was intense is what I'm trying to get across to you.
My grade: A
Not buying it: You mean to tell me that the LAPD and the FBI are going to let Argyle and the McClanes simply leave the scene of a major terroristic crime and drive off into the night without being debriefed?
Jon Morgan's favorite part: "My favorite part is the fact that it is perhaps the only movie in history to feature not one, but TWO black nerds." (I assume he means aforementioned limo driver, Argyle, and Gruber's computer-savvy friend. I submit however that Die Hard actually features THREE black nerds: Argyle, computer dude, and Reginald VelJohnson who plays chubby snack cake aficionado, Sgt Al Powell.)
Chinatown (1974)
The battle for control of LA's water supply results in murder, corruption, and incestuous rape. Who knew the water business was so damn cutthroat. Jack Nicholson stars as J.J. Gittes (his last name is pronounced differently so many times, I have no idea what's correct), a private dick who is initially hired to shadow Hollis Mulwray, chief engineer for the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power, but ends up getting involved in all sorts of shady dealings once Mulwray's body turns up dead in a local reservoir. To explain any further would take away the magic of discovering Chinatown for yourself. It is a beautifully shot, expertly written, multi-layered neo-noir classic that better be on your Must See list, provided you have one of those. I do. I keep it in my back pocket at all times. I'm a nerd.
My grade: A
Jake Gittes tells a joke: Use it at your next office cocktail party.
