5 Lamest Fads and Trends Throughout the Years

In three days, Hollywood will unleash the second film in the Twilight saga, New Moon, into American theaters. I can almost hear the squealing of a million preteen girls and their tragically delusional mothers now. To celebrate, GEP is taking a look back at some of the fads and trends that have come and (thankfully) gone over the past years in a little segment we like to call "5 Lamest..."
1. TAMAGOTCHI

Remember tamagotchi, the digital pet you could feed 'til it died? I never had one of my own, but I overfed my fair share of friend's tamagotchis. I wasn't a sociopath or anything--I never spiked the classroom hamster's water with anti-freeze or exposed myself in church--there was just something about that pixelated little duck-mouse that made me want to stuff it's belly full of digi-grub. I'd feed it, ignore it's pleas for sleep, feed it some more, feed it, feed it, feed it as it cried, feed it, refuse to toss the ball with it, feed it, allow it to wallow in its own feces, feed it, and watch it's eyes turn into Xs. I miss my childhood.

2. PHONE BOOTH STUFFING

The invention of the mobile phone, while making communication easier and more efficient, sounded the death knell for America's first national past time, phone booth stuffing. Now everybody's walking around with their iPhones, downloading apps and watching Jonas Brothers videos and sexting and what have you with nary a phone booth in sight. Sure, phone booth stuffing was all the rage from roughly the beginning of 1959 until about halfway through 1959 (replaced in popularity by something called "hunkerin'"), but it was still a helluva good time. Young men were known to cram 25 at a time into the naroow booths, sweaty and giggling, their supple bodies rubbing against one another, sometimes shirtless to make room for even more smooth-chested young gents. No wonder they called 'em the Gay Late-50's!
3. CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL BOOKS

Maybe the Chicken Soup for the... series isn't lame--I've never read even part of one--but one look at the above cover and I'm fairly certain my assumption is correct. Stories about Disses, Losses, Messes, Stresses & More, huh? Unless your teenager son or daughter is lobotomized, I'd expect to find this book either at the bottom of your trash compactor or hurtling into your face if you've purchased them a copy this Christmas.

The title says it all, I think. Chicken soup is the most trite, cliche, LAME cure all for the common cold and a book claiming to do the same for your soul sounds like a lie.

And, hey, you didn't have to be a teenager to benefit from Chicken Soup for the Soul's treacly goodness. Other titles include Chicken Soup for the African-American's Soul, Chicken Soup for the Chiropractic Soul, Chicken Soup for the Horse Lover's Soul, Chicken Soup for the NASCAR Soul, Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul, and my personal favorite, Chicken Soup for the American Idol Soul. All of these books are, regrettably, very real.
4. CHUCK NORRIS FACTS

Chuck Norris jokes are a lot like the comedy stylings of Dane Cook: beloved by frat guys who don't know any better and not funny. Sure, fine, they were fun for a few seconds, but can we just move on already. I never thought I'd see a trend more irritating than quoting Napoleon Dynamite or Borat impressions, but Chuck Norris Facts are somehow more annoying than both of them combined. I mean, seriously, somebody tell me what's funny about this:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

What? I saw what you did there, Dat Phan, but it ain't funny. And what about this one:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

C'mon! The Boogeyman doesn't sleep. He's too busy jumping out of kids' closets all over the world. He probably doesn't have his own closet anyway. He just uses our closets as a system of gateways from place to place. Lazy! Oh, and try this one on for size:

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

OK. That's actually funny.
5. SKIDZ

Mention the word "skids" to someone and they are liable to think that you're talking about those brown stains in Louie Anderson's underpants. They would be wrong. First of all, Louie wears boxer shorts. And second, Skidz were totally dumb flannel Hammer-pants that I actually wore (along with a big ol' Skidz-logo t-shirt) when I was in middle school. Just look at those people in the above ad. They look so happy, like a bunch of mental patients enjoying a day off hospital grounds. Seriously, Skidz were like pants for nursing home-bound old people who spend their days eating pudding, drooling in front of a soap operas, and farting. These were not pants for vibrant members of society. Luckily, the Skidz trend died off faster than an overfed tamagotchi and we were all free to return to our stone-washed jeans with the rolled cuffs and our Hypercolor t-shirts.