Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." -Genesis 1:26 (NIV)When God put us in charge of all the animals on this planet, I'm sure He meant for us to treat them with a certain level of respect and care that, as of late, seems to have been summarily tossed out the proverbial window. How else do you explain Michael Vick being invited back into the NFL or the current debate going on in our nation's highest court, sparked in large part by the hot new trend in animal abuse, crush videos?
When did we decide that animals don't matter? Sure, God made cows delicious and bunny rabbits just perfect for pulling out of fancy hats, but what gives with all the casual cruelty? Do you really want your kid looking up to a man who once sponsored vicious dog fights on his own property and was personally responsible for the executions of dogs who "under performed?" Is this a guy you want hocking running shoes on TV or gracing the cover of your Wheaties box? A lot of people, including immediate family members of mine, have forgiven Vick for his past indiscretions, but I haven't and I won't. I can't wrap my head around any dog lover welcoming Vick back to football with open arms. Michael Vick is a murdering bastard and no amount of public apology and anti-dog fighting community service efforts will ever make me feel any different. And I'm a cat person, for God's sake!
It should come as no surprise that the animal kingdom is all kinds of pissed off. They're sick and tired of being crushed by high-heeled shoes, locked up in uncomfortable cages, and forced into mortal combat with their brothers and sisters for sport. They're taking a stand and I, for one, intend to stand alongside them. In fact, the battle has already begun in Pennsylvania:
A 37-year-old Pennsylvania woman died Sunday after being mauled by her pet black bear, authorities said.
Kelly Ann Walz was attacked when she entered the bear's cage to feed the 350-pound animal and clean its cage, according to Pennsylvania State Police. The bear lived in a 15-by-15-foot steel and concrete enclosure on Walz's property in Ross Township.
Am I glad Mr. Walz was torn apart and killed by her "pet" black bear? Of course not. Did she deserve it? Probably not, but she was most assuredly asking for it. A black bear is not a pet. It is a wild fucking animal born to roam the lush forests of the American wilderness, not to be caged alongside tigers and lions in some looney's backyard. Not for nothing, but Walz was gonna lose her life to at least one of these animals, the bear just had the balls to do it first. I don't care what kind of connection you think you have with a bear--given the opportunity, it will kill you dead. Haven't you seen Grizzly Man? Listen, if you decide to keep a pet bear, it ain't gonna be long before things go from this:
To this:
Nuff said!Bears have sounded the battle horn, but who will heed their cry? Will you, dogs? Will it be you, mighty Bengal tiger. Chinchillas, are you prepared to stand alongside your brothers and cry "Freedom!"
If you ask me, I think it's up to the cats. Every week I read another story about a cat being tortured and killed, like this one, also out of Pennsylvania (WTF, Pennsylvania?!):
Even after a 6-week-old kitten was pelted with stones and set on fire in a Chester alley Saturday afternoon, it didn't lash out. The brown tabby greeted Dave Schlott, a Delaware County animal control officer, by climbing up his shirt and snuggling against his neck.
"It was cuddling, so I thought I'd name it Cuddles," Schlott said. "It was a really, really good-natured kitten."
Cuddles was being treated at Old Marple Veterinary Hospital, where he was initially expected to make a quick recovery.
But the kitten took a turn for the worse and died yesterday morning.
Regular readers of this blog know that I am a fervent cat lover, so it should come as no surprise that this story breaks my heart. Cuddles must be avenged, cat army! There is no way around it. The "10 to 15 teenagers" huddled around Cuddles pelting him with rocks and setting him on fire must be brought to justice. 15 against 1 is not a fair fight and the dickless fuckwads responsible for this crime deserve nothing more than to be consumed alive by a mob of hungry feral barn cats.
When the Good Lord put mankind in charge of the beasts of the field and birds of the air, I don't think He meant for us to treat them as our own personal punching bags. I'm not an anti-meat hippy or anything, I'm just a decent human being sick to death of the wanton cruelty laid upon the animals we share this planet with and those in positions of authority who seem utterly indifferent to it. I'm glad the animals are fighting back. I hope they kick mankind's ass.
