For me, choosing a favorite dwarf is how I imagine it might be for a mother of three to choose a favorite child: extremely easy. A lot of people instantly go for Dopey, the beardless, tenderhearted, autistic one with the floppy ears and the frequently lolling tongue. I'm man enough to admit that there is a certain idiot charm to Dopey that makes him hard to resist, but I'm afraid he'll forever rank #2 on my list.
During my recent visit to the Magic Kingdom, I noticed a lot of middle-aged white men sporting merchandise predominantly featuring Grumpy. Grumpy t-shirts, novelty Grumpy hats, fanny packs emblazoned with the grimacing visage of Grumpy--everywhere I turned, mother-effin' Grumpy. I started to see Grumpy as the personification of the the suppressed rage experienced daily by the symbolically-castrated, white, American male of modern society. Grumpy's resistance to change and general dislike of the female animal makes him a perfect misanthropic anti-hero for unhappy men to pin their hopes and dreams upon. I'm a generally upbeat person though, so Old Potato Nose ain't really my style.
As far as the remaining dwarves are concerned: Doc is clearly suffering from early onset dementia and as such should step down as the de facto leader of the group; Happy is obviously deeply troubled and possibly bi-polar; Sleepy is either a narcoleptic or a hardcore user of needle-drugs, as he spends the majority of his time onscreen either fast asleep or stumbling around with half-lidded eyes; and Sneezy could benefit from a daily dose of Claritin. In fact, the story of the Seven Dwarves works as a damning indictment of our current healthcare crisis if you want to get all political about it, which I don't.
For my money, Bashful is the best dwarf of the bunch. What an absolute sweetheart! He's all kinds of "gee shucks" and "golly gosh," plus he gets a killer solo during "The Silly Song," in which he sings about chasing a skunk up a tree with disastrous results. Who can't relate to that shit? Where's Bashful's novelty hat? Where's the t-shirt showcasing Bashful's crimson-cheeked face and the endearing catchphrase, "Oh, garsh?"
Forgive me, it's just when dwarves are involved, I sorta get carried away. I can't tell you how many Saturday afternoons I've wasted transfixed by a Little People, Big World marathon or a TV doc about teenaged primordial dwarves.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is Walt Disney Pictures' very first feature-length animated film, and 70-plus years and hundreds of films later, it remains one of the most magical movies I've ever seen. Snow White was the first Disney flick I remember seeing in an actual movie theater. The film has been re-issued many times over the last 60 years and I was lucky enough to catch it in 1987, which would have been the its 50th anniversary. My mother took me and my sister to see it one afternoon and I remember being completely overwhelmed. The evil stepmother and her hideous alter-ego, the apple-shilling hag, scared the piss out of me; the goofy antics of the Seven Dwarves resulted in more than one popcorn spit-take; and the house-cleaning woodland creatures gave me all sorts of tips on how to train my cat, Patches, to assist me in tiding up my bedroom. "All I've got to do is sing at her," I thought merrily on the car ride home, "and Patches will be happy to dust my chest of drawers with her tail!"
And while we're talking about songs, here's a particularly pleasant one that I had forgotten about, in which Snow White duets with a wishing well:
Just so we're clear, it's "I'm Wishing" that I'm fond of and not necessarily Prince Charming's creepy little ditty. I realize that you've got to move things along at a relatively brisk pace when telling an 84 minute story, but isn't it a little queer that the prince falls in love with Snow White in, like, a split second. I mean, he doesn't even get a good look at her and, next thing you know, he's declaring his undying devotion. He's lucky he's so good looking, otherwise...
I also enjoyed this little number Snow White sings with the help of her newfound animal buddies after getting lost in the deep, dark woods:
Arbitrary Grade: A
