-My vacation starts with me trapping a mouse in my bathroom at 3:30 in the morning. I take it as a threat from you know who. Told the wife as soon as I caught up with Mickey I was going to punch him in the stomach.-Somehow I got us lost in the Orlando airport.
-Got a hotel upgrade while checking in at Disney's All-Star Sports Resort, the cheapest rooms available on Disney property. Chosen at random to be transferred over to the Grand Floridian, Disney's finest resort. Jen has calculated that a five day stay at All-Star Sports is roughly the same price as one night at Grand Floridian. Disney truly is the happiest place on Earth and I am the happiest son of a bitch here.
-Lunch at the 50's Prime Time Cafe, a goofy eatery where you eat in a room that resembles a kitchen from the 1950's and the waitress kind of acts like a bitchy, hard to please mom. They also serve ridiculous desserts like this one, Dad's Brownie Sundae:
I can't finish it and almost break a tooth on the candy mouse ears. And, yes, that is caramel corn.-Overheard at Disney's Hollywood Studios: "Shut the fuck up and walk" -mother to her teenage daughter.
-British vactioner and redneck get into it in line for Toy Story Midway Mania. I side with the Brit, but stay uninvolved.
-Sully is kind of a dick. He presented an open palm as if requesting for me to "give him some skin," but whisked his paw away at the last minute. I'm not really into being embarrassed by a smirking, blue furbag in front of a line of children. Eff you, Sully!
-The American Idol Experience is suprisingly entertaining for being based on a show I detest. Simon Cowell's American counterpart is my new favorite Disney character. I want to get my picture taken with him.-For some reason I decide that it would be funny to repeatedly ask my wife the location of the Twilight ride. I then start pointing out various teenage girls who I think might be fans of Stephanie Meyer's series of books and quip, "She probably knows." Jen is initially amused, but becomes less so as the day progresses.
-Fight Club at Peco's Bill Taco Salad Emporium. A little girl goads her siblings with shoves, punches, and yelling while her parents just sit there. I think there might be something terribly wrong with this girl.
-High School Musical Sweet Red Apple Slices!!!-For some reason I decide that ever time I hear someone with a British accent say something I will turn to my wife and quote Paul Rudd from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, saying, "She/he sounds like she's/he's from Lon-don" in a fakey British accent.
-In line for Splash Mountain, I accidentally see a little girl named Camilla lifting her dress over her head. I quickly look away, locking eyes with her older sister, who immediately begins yammering away to her mother in a language I think may be Russian. For a good minute and a half I think she's telling her mother about the bald, bearded pervert checking out her baby sister's naked body.
-Also, Camilla is the only child I've ever seen who could give herself Shaken Baby Syndrome.
-Guy behind us on Splash Mountain keeps giving away locations of drops to the people behind him thus ruining the ride for everyone.
-I must admit: I've never understood a single thing any of the pirates in the Pirates of Carribbean ride are saying. Also, the Jack Sparrow robot is eerily lifelike.
