Each Friday in October, Giant Electric Penguin will bring you a selection of Horror, Horror-friendly, and Horrible music fit for listening to during this, the 31 Days of Horror.
Future Bible Heroes "I'm a Vampire"
Perhaps the most infectious synthpop song ever written from the perspective of a female vampire, Future Bible Heroes' "I'm a Vampire" is also one of my favorite songs EVAR. The titular vampire is everything a bitch goddess should be: She's boastful ("I have ever so much money, I'm gorgeous, and I can fly"), honest ("Hon, [I'm] one from whom you really should run"), beautiful ("Survived for 700 years and I still look 17"), and introspective ("Damn, I am what I am, what I am"). She's fucking perfect. I like to think she's who Jason Segel's Dracula from Forgetting Sarah Marshall is singing to in "Dracula's Lament." Wondering what a nerd daydreams about during gym class? There you go.
Follow the link below for 4 more Horrifying songs!
Metallica "Of Wolf and Man"
Long before suing Napster, working out their issues in front of cameras, and recording a lame album with an orchestra, the members of Metallica were desperate kids living on the edge of society. By 1991, Metallica were successful musicians on the cusp of becoming rich-ass bitches with the release of their self-titled "black" album. But despite all the die hard fans who point to this as their sellout album, Metallica still contains large doses of the youthful edge that made them so popular with freaks, geeks, and other assorted alienated teenagers in the first place. A song like "Of Wolf and Man," as campy as it is with its Vincent Price from Thriller monologue and "shapeshift" chorus, pulses with a primal desire to cut through society's bullshit and return to a simpler time--a time when we didn't have to go to school, make our beds, or ask permission to touch a girl's boobies--a time with no parents, no teachers, and no douchbag jocks--a time when we could turn into wolves and eat some goddamn meat! Back to the meaning (back to the meaning) of life, indeed. In case you haven't figured it out, the song's about a damn werewolf.
Kudos to the guy who made this awesome video with puppets. It's the best Metallica video I've ever seen by a wide margin.
Roky Erickson "Night of the Vampire"
This list could probably be exclusively populated with songs by Roky Erickson, the wonderfully and tragically bent founding member of the 13th Floor Elevators, but that wouldn't be much fun, would it? Well, it would actually be a lot of fun for me, but I'll try to exercise restraint. I've chosen to include 1980's "Night of the Vampire" because of this sweet fan-made video I found consisting of footage from Hammer horror films, and because of lines like this: "If it's raining and you're running, don't slip in mud 'cause, if you do, you'll slip in blood." Awesome.
Unknown Hinson "Undead Blues"
Unknown Hinson is perhaps better known as Early Cuyler of Cartoon Network's Squidbillies, but Unknown Hinson only has 2 legs and plays guitar right purty like. Just because he's an actual human being and can play the guitar, don't think that makes him any more attractive than Early Cuyler. He's not. He's ugly. Undead ugly. And he's got the blues. And none of those pesky solid bowel movements.
Carman "Witch's Invitation"
Carman, Carman, Carman. When will you learn to stop accepting strange invitations that mysteriously show up in your mailbox? This time Carman decides to accept the invitation of Isaac Horowitz, "a male witch, a warlock," who feels he needs to spend some time with Carman. When he first reads the letter, he turns "three shades of blue" (What, two wasn't enough?), but he accepts the invitation with the lame excuse of witnessing to Isaac. Yeah, right. Later he goes to the strip club to minister to some ladies with the laying on of hands.
When he gets to the warlock's house, he finds obvious signs of evil like a cat, Dungeons and Dragons games, and a cup of dry ice that Carman mistakes for herbal tea. Needless to say, Carman is "literally intimidated" as his faith gets violated by Isaac, who "delightfully" flaunts his evil accomplishments. Wait, delightfully? Yes, delightfully. Apparently Isaac's a very charming witch.
Eventually we get to an awesome scene where green plastic demons (yours free with any 3 proof of purchases from Carman-Os, Choco Carman-Os, or Carman Drops Corn Crunch Cereal) claim Isaac's soul and Carman leaves triumphant in the knowledge that he's saved, Isaac's damned, and the green plastic demons are going to leave him the hell alone.
