The most popular plate in our line-up turned out to be Portrait of Christ Plate #3: This is My Beloved Son. One reader felt Jesus seemed to be getting "fresh" with God. Another thought Jesus looked a bit too much like the hopelessly ugly hunchback, Quasimodo, of French literature fame. I suggested the artist's depiction of Jesus made the Son of God look like a pimp who had just smacked his ho to death. Anyway you look at it, the plate is creepy, lame, and weird-three words I would NOT use to describe Jesus Christ.
Today, GEP is going to show you the other commemorative plates in the Portraits of Christ collection. Are they any better? What Jesus mutants has artist Jose Fuentes de Salamanca unleashed for the remainder of the series? Would I be better off just purchasing a Last Supper TV tray?
Portraits of Christ Plate #1: You Better Not Block My Shot--I'm Jesus.
Actually, Plate #1 is missing from the Portraits of Christ Plates page on Amazon. If hockey-playing Jesus was actually on Plate #1, it would almost make the series worth purchasing. Jesus looks like he's having so much fun. That's the Jesus I want in plate form on my wall.
Portraits of Christ Plate #2: Thy Will be Done
Now there's a Jesus I recognize-hands folded as if in prayer, gently gazing into the heavens. Jose Fuentes de Salamanca starts off strong, promising quality he won't deliver in later plates in the series.Portraits of Christ Plate #3: This is My Beloved Son
The infamous plate that started it all. Pimp, skate punk, or malformed bell-ringer, but not the Savior of all mankind. This is My Beloved Son? No. This is a trucker who just got busted by Chris Hansen bringing McDonald's take-out and sex lube to a thirteen-year old girl's house.
Portraits of Christ Plate #4: Lo I Am With You
This plate isn't bad, but I think Jesus sort of looks like Panthro, only with a beard and hippy hair and without spiked suspenders. Like, I could totally buy that the Jesus in this picture is hiding some massive elf ears under that mop.
Portraits of Christ Plate #5: Become as Little Children
Simply put, this is Grizzly Adams. Either titled it properly (Portraits of Grizzly Plate #1-You've Got a Real Soft Beard, Mr. Adams) or quit trying to hide you're blatant plagarism and make the picture truly accurate:
Portraits of Grizzly Plate #1-Become as Giant Bears.
