I make no secret of my love for the TLC program Jon and Kate Plus 8, nor do I make any apologies. It's a cute show full of cute kids doing cute things...and I love cute things, dammit! More than that it is an uplifting story about two normal people who somehow persevere in the face of a very abnormal situation. So when I discovered (via the Gosselin's official Web site) that Jon and Kate themselves would be speaking at a church in Goldsboro, North Carolina, I knew I had to be there. I told the wife and she procured four tickets--two for us, two for my parents (my mother is also a big fan of the show). We decided to make it a whole Lawson Parents Birthday Weekend, including dinner at a much-lauded barbecue restaurant and homemade coconut cake for dessert, not to mention a huge breakfast for the entire Lawson clan Sunday morning. But enough about my perfect family unit.
The Gosselins were speaking at a church with the foreboding name of Highest Praise Tabernacle. I wasn't sure what to expect, but my friends shared some of their thoughts, many of which made me question my decision to attend. It was predicted we would be subjected to a good old fashioned church service as an opener, complete with praise songs, Bible skits, and alter calls. I thought because we had purchased tickets they'd sort of spare us and I was right, for the most part.We did have to sing...endlessly! Two praise songs ate up almost twenty minutes. The music minister at one point shouted, "C'mon, I want to hear ya," but this was impossible seeing as though his voice overpowered everyone on stage, in the sanctuary, and just about every instrument except the drums. And this guy truly thought he was fronting a rock band--gripping the mic stand with both hands, leaning out over the audience. Also, he wasn't very good.
After the songs, the church's First Lady taught us how to greet visitors: "Now, y'all, there's gonna be a video and then Jon and Kate are gonna come out. When they come out let's just give them a nice round of applause, OK? In fact, I mean, you can clap for the video if you want, but you can also just wait until Jon and Kate come out. You know what? Let's just wait until Jon and Kate come out and then we'll stand and clap and really welcome them."
I leaned over to my mother and whispered, "Does she think we're all retarded?"
After a super-cute montage of family pictures through the ages (and a "preview" of the photos we could purchase after the appearance), Jon and Kate entered to the pre-arranged thunderous applause. I think we did the First Lady proud. God knows if we hadn't, she'd probably would have made Jon and Kate leave and come back after taking a few minutes to repeat her earlier instructions only a little slower.
The church staff was obnoxious, but Jon and Kate were great. They act a lot like they do on TV, Kate doing the bulk of the speaking, with Jon offering a humorous aside now and again. And I knew Kate was attractive, but she is even more attractive in person. In fact, they're both quite attractive, but I guess that is to be expected when large companies and private citizens offer you free tummy tucks and hair transplants. Kate told the whole story of the their lives (most of it old news to super fans, but interesting nonetheless) and then the couple took questions from the audience. Nobody asked anything too terribly thought-provoking and Jon and Kate were pretty tight-lipped about the details of their day-to-day life. Per Jon's request, the final question of the night was asked by a child and guess who the lucky kid turned out to be? That's right, the Pastor and First Lady's daughter, even though the little girl next to Jen was raising her hand as high as it would go and bouncing in her seat.
TLC doesn't allow the unwashed masses to take pictures or video of Jon and Kate, so we were forced to buy photos for $20. But I wanted to meet them, so we waited in line, purchased a family pic (there were also individual pictures of the Eight, complete with original artwork from the corresponding child, but that seemed creepy, so we decided against it) and got Jon and Kate's autographs. They were very nice, very normal people who seemed bewildered that anyone would want to buy a picture of their family and then have them sign it. Kate emphasized many times that they are just normal people, not celebrities, who want to use their show as a) a way to keep a record of their family, not having enough time to take personal videos and b) to speak at churches around the country about their faith in God, a part of their lives that often ends up on the cutting room floor.
Oh, also, when Kate signed my picture, she asked for our names and I said, "Matt and Jen," and she actually wrote "Matten" before realizing she'd messed up. And Jen says Jon flashed her the Asian Recognition Smile, probably surprised that he was encountering one in such a desolate, one-horse town. No offense, Goldsboro area.
