'08 Summer Movie Report: You Don't Mess with the Zohan

You Don't Mess with the Zohan could have been the best thing to happen to summer since rocket pops, but it's actually only slightly more fun that an ice cream headache--and yet, it's not quite a sun stroke. Adam Sandler is an Israeli super spy who fakes his death and moves to New York to become a hairdresser. There's also an evil corporate plot to turn an old neighborhood into a mall. Oh, and there's a love interest. That should be all you need to know to determine whether or not you want to see this movie. But wait, there's more! Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel get co-writing credits. Sort of complicates things, right? Well, not really.

The one thing YDMWTZ has going for it is that it's profoundly silly. In the opening sequence we see Zohan catch a hacky sack in his butt, catch a fish in his butt, grill a manta ray, and high five a pelican. We also see his butt. Several times. We later see him swim like a dolphin, kill a man with his dismembered hand, and pee on a cat. His father abruptly dips his glasses into hummus. When we first meet the villain (John Turturro as a sort of super-terrorist), he's walking on the ceiling for no discernible reason. Like I said, this is a silly, silly film. Unfortunately, the silliness mostly disappears after the first 20 minutes or so and is replaced with…well…nothing. We get a lame love interest, a stupid extended granny-fucking sequence, and several un-funny cameos. In other words, Zohan turns into every other Adam Sandler film from the past 10 years. When the silliness returns, it's too little and far too late. Apatow and Smigel's presence is felt, and appreciated, in the unabashed weirdness of the first 20 minutes, but where the fuck does it go? A 90-minute extension of the pelican-slapping opening sequence would have been genuine summer fun, but what we actually get is an ice cream headache. Did I mention that already? I didn't like the movie.

Grade: D