Nim's Island is actually three movies, one of which is halfway enjoyable. Movie One is the story of a single father and his 11 year old daughter who live on a deserted island somewhere in the South Pacific. One morning the father sets out on his boat to collect glowing blue plankton, leaving his daughter, Nim, behind, promising to be back in two days. Unfortunately a storm destroys his boat and bitch-slaps him horribly off course, leaving him lost at sea.
Movie Two is a slapstick comedy about a clearly psychotic adventure story writer named Alexandra Rover venturing to Nim's island to save her or save her father or do something. I'm not entirely sure why she's going actually, but she is encouraged onward by the fictional Indiana Jones-ish character from her books. She makes a lot of goofy faces, gets herself into some hilarious situations, and learns a lot about life in the process, I guess.
Movie Three concerns Nim's war against an Australian cruise ship and it's bloated occupants who have invaded her island for some proverbial fun in the sun. It's kind of like Home Alone only with a farting sea lion.
Movie Two is the only appealing movie in this simultaneous triple feature and even it isn't that great. Jodie Foster plays the agoraphobic author Alex Rover and she is actually quite charming and funny. When her movie finally collides with Abigail Breslin's, the film gets schmaltzy and boring. Well, more schmaltzy and more boring.
All I could think about during Movie One was the fact that Nim's father, Jack, has been on an island for years upon years without sexual contact with an adult woman. I wondered how he relieved himself, but every option I came up with made me ashamed of myself. Movie Three was obviously crammed in to keep the kids happy. Without it, the movie would have been quieter, more heartfelt, and better. The crowd came to life when Nim starting launching various lizards into the sky by way of slingshot mechanisms of her own design. The little girl sitting in front of my wife almost had a friggin' stroke she was laughing so damn hard. That's what we call animal abuse, I wanted to whisper to her, but I thought better of it and just let her have fun.
Nim's Island is disjointed and uneven. The opening animated sequence promises something the movie as a whole fails to deliver. Abigail Breslin is cute, but, and I don't know if you can say this about an tweenage actor, she seemed like she was phoning it in. Seriously. It was like, "I totally signed up to do this movie before I was nominated for an Oscar--I don't need this--ugh." I kept wishing Gerard Butler would shout 'This is Sparta' but the opportunity never presented itself. And I hate farting animal jokes, so I pretty much tuned out after that.
Dinner, though, was a complete triumph. I had Mongolian Beef and it was quite tasty.
