I’m talking, of course, about William “Flavor Flav” Drayton’s brand new sitcom, Under One Roof. It’s kind of like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air if Will was in his late 40’s and an ex-con, Aunt Vivian was a WASPy shrew, and Geoffrey was an Asian lady who incessantly spouts jokes in an offensive accent. If I understood the Flavor-rapped theme song correctly, Under One Roof is the story of two brothers—one a financial success, the other a recently released prison inmate with two strikes against him who looks an awful lot like Public Enemy hype man, Flavor Flav—forced to live in a mansion (though the exterior shots make it look like a Colombian drug kingpin’s jungle compound) together. The rich goofball brother, his undersexed wife, their two snotty kids—an FHM model who loves to shop (Hilary Banks?) and a racially/sexually confused son (Carlton?)—and a rude, horny Asian maid, put up with Flav’s shenanigans because he is family and family takes care of family dammit!
In last night’s episode, Kadeem Hardison guest-starred as Flav’s former cell mate, a friendly escapee who takes an entire cocktail party hostage. Amid wall-to-wall “men-hump-other-men’s-butts-in-prison” jokes, laughs were had and lessons were learned, the most important lesson being that regular viewing of Under One Roof could turn you retarded.
Try some of these hilarious jokes and one-liners on for size:
“You misfortune cookie” (directed at Asian maid, Su Ho)
“I ain’t gonna give up like a little bitch.”
“If you go back to prison, you’ll be somebody’s little bitch.”
“I don’t know what you did, but these eggs are delicious.”
“Pan was dirty, so Su Ho cleaned with spit.”
“Better get your sticky buns ready.”
“Me so horny.”
“I’m taking the girls to France, the most romantic city in the world.” (sorry, that was from Flavor of Love 3)
It’s easy to trash a show this awful—the writing is abysmal, the humor is broader than the Indian Ocean, Flavor Flav acts about as well as he raps—the challenge is finding something worth liking. I’ll try. Ummmmm. The character Flav plays is named Calvester. There. That’s funny…right?
Flavor Flav is arguably one of the most likable public figures in recent history, but this show won’t do anything for his legacy. In all honesty, Under One Roof will more than likely disappear in the next few months, never to be mentioned by anyone again. But seriously, My Network Television, it’s just you and me talking now. This hackneyed, pun-heavy, racist, unfunny, back alley abortion of a sitcom is a joke, right? Right?
