But what happened next???

I found myself disappointed by the finale of Vh1's CELEBRITY REHAB last week. Sure, three of our favorite "celebrities" decided to move into sober living and take a stab at normalcy and the one's who did not made a commitment to "try better," but then it was just over. Just limo drives away, end credits. What? No follow-ups? C'mon! I want to know what happened after the cameras became but a memory and each "celebrity" was forced back into his or her mediocre daily life. Since Dr. Drew denied us this joy, Giant Electric Penguin has decide to venture a guess as to what happen after CELEBRITY REHAB...

Seth "Shifty" Binzer: Shifty became a drug counselor at an upscale drug rehabilitation center in Los Angeles. He also released an album of "Butterfly" remixes that failed to resurrect his music career. It was reported he felt "bummed" about the whole thing.






Ricco Rodriguez: Ricco punched out a Chic-fil-a employee for getting his order wrong. The assault cost Ricco his much hyped comeback in the world of mixed martial arts, but did secure him a spot on Vh1's CELEBRITY ANGER MANAGEMENT.

Brigette Neilsen: Immediately following the final episode of CELEBRITY REHAB, Ms. Neilsen flew home to Italy to reunite with her husband and eat her young.

Jessica Sierra: Jessica returned to Florida, securing a job as Cinderella at Walt Disney World. She was fired after several children complained that she smelled like "cigarettes and ejaculate." She did compete on Season 15 of American Idol though and made the top 24.
Daniel Baldwin: Daniel Baldwin followed his brother Alec's lead and headed to television becoming the star of Fox's hit new game show WHO WANTS TO PUNCH A DOUCHEBAG IN THE BALLS?

Chyna: Realizing her existence on the Earth was no longer necessary, former wrestler Chyna became a greenish mist and peacefully floated off into the ether.

Jaimee Foxworth: Ms. Foxworth (aka Crave) finally quit pot and porn for good, but only after making the multiple AVN Award winning film FAMILY BLADDERS, in which a well-endowed black gentleman dressed as Steve Urkel urinates on her in several exotic locations. The film featured a cameo from Reginald VelJohnson, marking the first time the two actors had worked together since their popular sitcom.




Mary Carey: Used-up porn skank Mary Carey went on to great success at the sober living facility. She later made a guest appearance on Vh1's CELEBRITY REHAB II, where she judged a Jello eating contest. Her boobs were given their own reality show.

Jeff Conaway: America's sweetheart Jeff Conaway starred in an all wheelchair-bound drug addict version of GREASE at a dinner theater in Fargo, North Dakota. The show closed ten minutes into its first performance.

Conaway's girlfriend snorted coke off a guys balls in the men's room.