I'd like to say right here at the top of things that I personally have no use for religion and if asked to complete the American Religious Identification Survey, I would check "other/none" under the heading "What Is Your Religious Proclivity?" This does not however mean that I am in any way an atheist and, quite frankly, I'm getting pretty sick and tired of atheism activists trying to claim me as one of their own. I may disagree with a lot of what the modern Christian church has to say, but that doesn't mean I've rejected the concept of an all-knowing, all-powerful god. And, while I'm at it, let me blow your mind a little more, Mr. Atheist: I'm not an agnostic either. Nope. I totes believe in God! OMG, right?Of course, I should follow the above statement with a second statement meant to clarify any misconceptions drawn from the aforementioned first statement: I have no beef with atheists, in fact, I respect them just as much I respect followers of any religion, provided it isn't a religion based on a self-help book penned by a drug addicted science fiction author. Listen, no one has all of the answers (sorry, every Christian I've ever known, but you don't), but I think it's neat that we live in a country where differing philosphies can be discussed publically in a civil, unannoying way.
Oh, wait. That's not true.
It used to be you left the office to buy a box or three of Chewy Lemon Head & Friends candy at the corner store and were accosted by the street preacher guy, the elderly tract hander-outer, the dude with the Pro-Life sign taped to his backpack, and the hymn-singin' black gentleman. Now atheists want to join the throng of obnoxious Jesus-freaks peddling their wares on the streets of America. Well, they haven't taken it quite as far as the men I've just described who regularly reside on the steps of the Wake County courthouse next door to where I work, but they're laying the groundwork in New York City:Some New Yorkers may want to reconsider exclaiming "Thank God" when arriving at their destination subway station beginning next Monday.
Or at least that's what a coalition of eight atheist organizations are hoping, having purchased a month-long campaign that will place their posters in a dozen busy subway stations throughout Manhattan.
The advertisements ask the question, written simply over an image of a blue sky with wispy white clouds: "A million New Yorkers are good without God. Are you?"
On October 26, a dozen bustling New York City subway stations will be adorned with the ads as "part of a coordinated multi-organizational advertising campaign designed to raise awareness about people who don't believe in a god", according to a statement from the group, the Big Apple Coalition of Reason.
You know those annoying God quotes billboards you see all over the place? The ones that are black and white and say crap like, "Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game" or "Keep using my name in vain and I'll make rush hour longer" or my personal favorite, "Big Bang Theory? You've got to be kidding me." Well, atheists, you've taken the first step in becoming a road trip joke!
And can we talk about those billboards for just a second? One of the things I hate about organized religion, specifically the various strands of Christianity, is the way people inject "God" with their own personal thoughts and beliefs. That Big Bang Theory one is a great example. Do you think God gives two baby craps about whether or not the Bing Bang is a valid explanation for the creation of the universe? Of course not, but weirdo religious kooks do. Disproving the Big Bang shouldn't even be on the Christian church's To Do list. In the grand scheme of saving souls and selling timeshares in Heaven, how important is it to prove scientific theories wrong?
Harmless billboards lead to street preaching which leads to anti-gay marriage demonstrations which leads to something akin to the Crusades. It's a dangerous progression, but more imporantly, it's super lame and annoying. Having an elderly couple witness to you while you try to pump gas or an overly enthusiastic college student share his tragically close-minded views on life with you on a street corner while you're trying to negotiate a fair price for a blow job with a street whore is obnoxious. This is America and in America we don't invade each other's personal space and we don't tell each other what to do. Atheists, your subway campaign might be relatively harmless, but how long until an innocuous message about it being OK to be godless becomes this:
I mean, that guy's being an asshole. I've heard enough atheist rhetoric to know that you guys believe you are totally above it all, but look at this douche? Prayer is Talking to Yourself? Maybe, but why does this guy got to wave a sign around about it? I expect this sort of thing from the Christians, but I thought you were better than that, atheists. Isn't that what you are always drilling into my brain? And what is that, an old-timey aviator helmet? And what kind of event is this guy at? An anti-prayer rally? That seems like a colossal waste of time. Get your priorities straight, atheists!Everybody's annoying, but what can you do? I guess you can pick a side, make a sign, parade around the quad, and hurl insults or you could do what atheists have been doing for years: shutting up and staying out of it. We all know that the bulk of outspoken Christian activists are as dumb as a bag of retarded rocks, so why not let them self-destruct? Why join the fray? I'm not one of you, but both sides want to lump us together for reasons I'll never understand, so I'm going to look out for your best interests. I know Team Unaffliated is growing larger by the hour, but that's because people are sick of the bullshit that comes with aligning themselves with one particular mindset--bullshit like abortion walks and book burnings. In the good old days it was about painting an elderly neighbors fence or dressing up like a clown and entertaining burn victims at the hospital. Now it's shouting about the Second Coming on the courthouse steps or forcing people to look at graphic abortion porn. Becoming more like the "enemy" is not the way to assert dominance. My suggestion to you, atheists: sit back and enjoy yourself. We'll find out who was right in the end. For now, pour yourself a glass of wine, load up the Simon and Garfunkel: Old Friends box set on your iTunes, close your eyes, and
STOP ALREADY!
For a as-far-as-I-can-tell complete list of Billboard Messages from God, click here now.
