Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back--Nothing says "Christmas" like a book about a four-year-old boy who dies on an operating table, takes a sweet tour of Heaven, and comes back to life with a plan to make millions of dollars off of a nation of dupes who eat this kinda pseudo-religious tripe up.I'm kidding. He didn't die. He had a dream while he was undergoing surgery. A dream about Heaven. And guess what? Heaven was exactly like his father, a pastor, had probably described it to him night after night before bedtime. God is a giant who sits on a throne, Grandpa's there having the time of his afterlife, and Jesus has his very own horse. You know, all the stuff from the Bible.
Oh, the little boy allegedly also meets his miscarried sister in Heaven. I thought unbaptized children went straight to Hell and burned forever and ever. I'm calling shenanigans!
How to sum up Heaven is for Real? Oh, here you go:
Told by the father, but often in Colton's own words, the disarmingly simple message is heaven is a real place, Jesus really loves children, and be ready, there is a coming last battle.
That's right: Jesus took a break from riding his horse around long enough to tell a visiting four-year-old that he was planning an attack of some kind. That sounds like something Jesus would totally do. Ugh.
The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven: A Remarkable Account of Miracles, Angels, and Life beyond This World--A six-year-old boy visits Heaven, this time as a result of a horrible automobile accident, and returns with 248-pages worth of lurid details:
An accident.A miracle.And a supernatural encounter that will give you new insights on Heaven, angels, and hearing the voice of God.
That's right: Jesus took a break from riding his horse around long enough to tell a visiting four-year-old that he was planning an attack of some kind. That sounds like something Jesus would totally do. Ugh.
The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven: A Remarkable Account of Miracles, Angels, and Life beyond This World--A six-year-old boy visits Heaven, this time as a result of a horrible automobile accident, and returns with 248-pages worth of lurid details:An accident.A miracle.And a supernatural encounter that will give you new insights on Heaven, angels, and hearing the voice of God.
In 2004, Kevin Malarkey and his six-year-old son, Alex, suffered a terrible car wreck. The impact from the crash paralyzed Alex—and it seemed impossible that he could survive.
“I think that Alex has gone to be with Jesus,” a friend told the stricken dad.
When Alex awoke from a coma two months later, he had an incredible story to share. Of events at the accident scene and in the hospital while he was unconscious. Of the unearthly music that sounded just terrible to a six-year-old. Of the angels who took him through the gates of Heaven itself. And, most amazing of all . . . of meeting and talking with Jesus.
The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven is the true story of an ordinary boy’s most extraordinary journey. As you see Heaven and earth through Alex’s eyes, you’ll come away with new insights on miracles, life beyond this world, and the power of a father’s love.
What, no mention of Jesus' horse? Alex is a liar, man! How did this book of lies ever get published? Sick.
90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death and Life--Sooooooooo, what's this one about?:On the way home from a conference, Don Piper's car was crushed by a semi that crossed into his lane. Medical personnel said he died instantly. While his body lay lifeless inside the ruins of his car, Piper experienced the glories of heaven, awed by its beauty and music.
Ninety minutes after the wreck, while a minister prayed for him, Piper miraculously returned to life on earth with only the memory of inexpressible heavenly bliss. His faith in God was severely tested as he faced an uncertain and grueling recovery. Now he shares his life-changing story with you.
No kidding his faith in God was tested! Can you imagine? You get smashed to death, whisked up to Heaven where there's all this cool music and Grand Canyons everywhere and then--BAM!--there you are, back in your crushed, broken body, being re-taught how to walk and go to the bathroom by yourself. That's awful! How could this book be anything more than 208 pages of vitriol spewed at God?
It probably isn't. Mr. Piper probably had a good old time in Heaven. He was there for a whole 90 minutes. I bet he has a lot to say about it. Let's check one of the many reviews on Amazon to find out:
The title 90 Minutes in Heaven led me to believe that the book would be an extensive description of Piper's time in heaven. I was disappointed to find that less than 10% of the total pages in this book actually dealt with his alleged time in heaven. The majority of the book dealt with Piper's recovery in the hospital, his transition back to `normal' life, and the subsequent speaking ministry that he has enjoyed. Regrettably there was more detail given to his description of an enema than his time in heaven. I do not say this to be crass but to express personal disappointment with the promotion of the book as an expose on heaven and instead I got unmentionable details concerning such things as this. Seriously, it was gross.
So, a book titled 90 Minutes in Heaven is mostly about a dude be given an enema? Ew.
The Bill Wiese 23 Minutes In Hell Collection--Every book about near-death, out-of-body experiences can't be about taking a leisurely stroll down the golden streets and poking around in the cute little speciality boutiques that make up Heaven's Main Street. There is another place, you know. A terrible place. The most terrible place, really. And if you think about it, most of us are going to spend eternity there anyway--according to your born again aunt with the houseful of cats at least--so where's the guidebook for the doomed?Not to worry. Christian author Bill Wiese died, went to Hell for some reason, and returned to Earth 23 minutes later. He wrote a book about his experience titled 23 Minutes In Hell: One Man's Story About What He Saw, Heard, and Felt in that Place of Torment, which went on to become a New York Times Bestseller, proving that not only is reading still an extremely popular way to pass the time, but that stupid people read as much as smart people. Maybe more.
As a result of his brief stint in Hell, Wiese has decided he now knows most of the answers to humanity's most burning (heh, heh) questions about it. Questions like:
--Is Hell a literal burning place? (Yes)
--Where is Hell? (Down)
--Do you have a body in Hell? (A burning one)
--Are there degrees of punishment in Hell? (Maybe)
--Are there children in Hell? (It's mostly children)
--Can demons torment people in Hell? (What else are the demons gonna do all day?)
--What are the accommodations like in Hell? (Cramped)
--How is the cell phone reception in Hell? (Not good)
--Is there Wi-Fi in Hell? (Only at Starbucks)
--Can "good" people go to Hell? (I didn't talk to everyone...I was only there 23 minutes...sheesh)
As you've probably figured out by now, 192 pages is nowhere near enough to describe 23 minutes anywhere, so Wiese followed up this book with Hell: Separate Truth from Fiction and Get Your Toughest Questions Answered and 23 Questions About Hell (which comes with a DVD!!!).
You know I once spent 45 minutes in Hell and I didn't even have to die. I call it the DMV! Am I right, people?
[You can purchase all of these titles and much better ones at amazon.com)
