The Worst Costumes Ever: The Rest

October is coming to a close, and with it, the Halloween season. We've tried our best to highlight some of the absolute worst costumes available and I think we've done a fairly decent job. However, our Awful Costumes file--and it is an actual physical file that we keep locked up tight in an underground bunker protected by cat-mounted laser-cannons--was overflowing this year and we couldn't get to everything. So, here are a few of our favorite shitty costumes that didn't fit into any sort of category this year. We give you The Rest...
Theatrical Quality Ghost Gent Costume: If you are an adult and you purchased a "theatrical quality" costume this year, you are a idiot. There. I said it. What do you need a "theatrical quality" ghost costume for? Are you performing A Christmas Carol for your drunk Halloween party guests? Nobody cares how authentic your "ghost gent" costume is, man! Cut two holes in a sheet, throw it over your head, and crack a beer. You're an adult. Act like one!
Angry Birds: Listen, until two months ago, I didn't even know what Angry Birds was. I knew Joel McHale was a fan--he tweeted about it regularly for a time--but I didn't know what these angry birds did or who they did it to. I didn't know why they were angry or why I had to buy an iPhone to find out. Then I played it. My buddy got an iPhone through work and his son walked me through my first round of Angry Birds in a busy Mexican restaurant. It was all right. I'd played a game almost identical to it in every conceivable way years ago on a free game site, only it was penguins, they were launching themselves at polar bears, and they were decidedly less angry. Hey, like Angry Birds, I don't care. But don't dress like one. It's dumb.
Trojan Condom Magnum XL Adult Men's Costume: Want a costume that screams "I have a tiny penis?" Here it is.
Middle Finger Adult Men's Costume: I think we all see how the Halloween costume industry views "adult men" by this point. Apparently we are nothing but a race of crude, dick-obsessed, overgrown 12-year-old boys. I'm more offended by that then this costume. This costume just makes me sad, because you know that 100% of the men who wear it consider themselves the funniest guy in the world. Ugh.
Sexy Chucky: Hey, I love sexy things. And I love Chucky. But Sexy Chucky? I don't like Sexy Chucky. Not at all.

I hope the Old Giant Electric Penguin Place is on your Trick-or-Treat route tomorrow night because we've got some treats for you. First, a very special Halloween-edition of MOVIE PENGUIN MONDAY. And on Halloween night we present THE SEVEN MOST HORRIFIC THINGS I'VE READ EVER. It's going to be scary FOR REAL! See you there. I mean, here. You know what I mean.