The Worst Costumes Ever: Don't Touch My Cookies

The first costume on our list combines the sexiness of the Girl Scouts organization with the creepiness of a sexy Girl Scout troop member. Feast your eyes on Don't Touch My Cookies:

Listen, I like pretty ladies and Girl Scout cookies as much as the next guy--maybe more than the next guy!--but something about this get-up makes me uncomfortable. I get the sexualization of witches, nurses, and housmaids 'round Halloweentime, but the sexualization of Girl Scouts--a club created for and chock full of young girls--seems a little, well, gross to me. And then, as if the body-hugging , butt curtain dress and lacy leggings weren't creepy enough, the manufacturers of this perverted costume felt the need to slap a sick little title on it. If a Halloween costume is referred to by anything more complicated than "clown," "Thor," or "zombie crossing guard," for example, it is a costume to be wary of indeed. Don't Touch My Cookies. Ick. You know they're not talking about cookies--or biscuits for our UK readers--right? They're talking about genitalia. The female kind. Sure, the costume comes with "cookie bag"--remember those things that nobody has ever carried anywhere ever?--but we all know the truth. Don't Touch My Cookies means "don't touch my cookies, but look at them as much as you'd like please."

I enjoyed reading the customer reviews for the Don't Touch My Cookies costume at Party City's Web site, especially the ones in which the past customer provided a warning to future customers about the shortness of said costume:

PartyGirl11: "Great Costume. Dress runs right below the booty, so have some spanx or spandex to wear (unless you want your booty to show when you bend over)."

CookieGirl: "I'm 5'4", 120 lbs and this was very short on me. The material doesn't help either because it's not stretchy. That said, it fit well and has a lot of cute accessories..."

That second review sort of starts out like a Penthouse letter. Whatever that is.

We're all aware of the shortness of the dress. Why do you think it was manufactured in the first place? To make Halloween 2011 a super fun time full of candy and party games? Of course not. Don't Touch My Cookies exists for one reason only: to expose your "booty" when you "bend over." And, rest assured, wherever you are this October 31st, men, many barely participating in the Halloween dress up ritual (i.e. a sarcastic THIS IS MY COSTUME t-shirt, the suit they wear to funerals, a plastic lei, etc), will repeatedly ask you to pick things up off of the ground for them or grab them another beer from the cooler or simply demand you bend over and show them your ass, because men are sick and you are dumb.