It takes a healthy ego to run for political office. It also takes a hook, some viewpoint or personality trait that attracts the people you desire to represent. Some candidates present themselves as regular everyday Average Joes, dining in greasy spoons with their wrinkled, elderly constituents, kissing infants on their tender fontanelles, and sharing a beer or two with the common man in a local pub. Others claim Jesus Christ as their constant source of inspiration and appear on television and radio programs that cater to the Conservative Right, yammering on about their hatred of Planned Parenthood and their collection of vintage Bibles. Still others latch onto a single issue and run with it, appealing to a select few, like, gun nuts and pot-heads. Politics is a game, and those who succeed have learned how to bend the rules in their favor, how to appear sincere whilst simultaneously being the phoniest of dirtbags. Honesty is a suggestion, not a set-in-stone rule, and politics a popularity contest where the person who wins gets to be in charge of the nuclear bombs.But what if there were a candidate who looked at the whole "politics-as-usual" thing and said, "Screw it--we can do better than that." Imagine a politician with the balls to call a press conference, stand behind a podium and say "This is what I believe needs to be done in order to bring this nation back from the brink of war and poverty and moral degradation," and then went for it. Imagine now that at this press conference the politician in question was dressed in a cape and that his plan to restore America was to impale everybody he didn't like on wooden stakes. Imagine further, if you don't mind, that this man was a former "professional wrestler" with multiple personality disorder, rage issues, and a PhD in Political Science who regularly drank his girlfriend's blood vampire-style. Guess what? You don't have to imagine any of this because it is all wonderfully and horrifically real.
In 2006, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey ran for governor of Minnesota. Sharkey, a self-proclaimed vampire and devoted follower of Satan, had big plans for the Land of 10,000 Lakes, but it was his vision for America as a whole that made him stand out, especially to the hardworking men and women of the Secret Service. The plan: impale all evildoers, starting with President George W. Bush. Yes, Sharkey's first act as governor of Minnesota (???) would be to try Bush as a war criminal and, upon finding him guilty as charged, impale him on the front lawn of the White House. Sharkey also proposed impaling for Osama Bin Laden, every member of al-Qaeda, and all convicted criminals.
In 2006, Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey ran for governor of Minnesota. Sharkey, a self-proclaimed vampire and devoted follower of Satan, had big plans for the Land of 10,000 Lakes, but it was his vision for America as a whole that made him stand out, especially to the hardworking men and women of the Secret Service. The plan: impale all evildoers, starting with President George W. Bush. Yes, Sharkey's first act as governor of Minnesota (???) would be to try Bush as a war criminal and, upon finding him guilty as charged, impale him on the front lawn of the White House. Sharkey also proposed impaling for Osama Bin Laden, every member of al-Qaeda, and all convicted criminals.You almost have to admire Sharkey's tenacity. Almost. As the film progresses, Sharkey seems more a semi-dangerous mental patient than simply a harmless kook. First there's the whole "impale everybody" thing. On his way to a television interview, Sharkey lays out his plan to personally impale defendants in the courtroom where they stand, no matter the verdict. And Sharkey's penchant for stabby violence isn't reserved merely for his twisted justice fantasies, as we learn from a series of interviews with the wife and children he has abandoned. As if all of this wasn't enough, Sharkey is convinced that he is "satanically married" to his half-sister, Kat, who probably, almost definitely, does not actually exist. Oh, yeah, HE ALSO THINKS HE IS A VAMPIRE!
Impaler is a fascinating film in spite of it's shoddy camerawork, multi-fonted captions and goofball director, who shoves himself Michael Moore-style into more scenes than is necessary. He and his producer seem all to willing to indulge Sharkey in his dangerously dumb bullshit with their stupid questions and their goading laughter. But as the film progresses and we learn more about Sharkey's trouble past, the film grows deeper and more meaningful. In fact, the film gets better anytime Sharkey is talked about, but not actually onscreen.
GEP says: WATCH IT!
