Here's one for the Are You Kidding Me?!? file (You know the file. It's the one directly between the Are You Fudging Kidding Me?!? file and the Are Your Kids Planning to Murder You While You Sleep? file. You can't miss it.). This week, 29-year-old bodyguard, Fernando Flores, announced her...I'm sorry, I meant his...plans to sue pop singing weirdo Britney Spears for sexual harassment. Seriously. What did you just say out loud to yourself? You don't believe me? Well, here's an article that proves it, Jack! Suck on that for awhile. Apparently, life is too short and Flores is too pure and good (i.e. poor) to spend his days getting paid to look at Britney Spears breasts, which she allegedly exposes willy nilly for any and all comers, so he's all, like, "nationwide unemployment crisis be damned! I'm-a quit my (probably) high paying job guarding Spears' vagina (which she also allegedly exposes whenever the mood hits her), and I'm gonna sue. Sure, I'll forever be known as the pussy who sued Britney Spears for showing me her pussy, but, whatevs, I'm-a be rich."
‘She [Britney] was wearing a white lace, see-through dress. She walked over close by [Flores], intentionally dropped her cigarette lighter on the floor, bent over to retrieve it and thereby exposed her uncovered genitals to [Flores].If you ask me, Flores is just showing off. I don't know what you do for a living, but I sit in front of a computer in a cubicle in an office in an old building with busted air conditioning in one of the most boring downtowns in the US. I like my job enough, but there isn't a hot pop singer traipsing through the office pulling her titties out of her mesh tank-top just for the hell of it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that should be happening at my place of work. We're professionals, for Pete's sake! I'm just trying to point out that Flores had a pretty sweet deal going and, as a human male, I've had a hard time coming to terms with Flores' current actions. Who sues a woman for flirting with him, especially if said woman is Britney Spears? I'm not saying Ms. Spears is the height of pop star sexiness--that, I believe, is reserved for either Christina Aguilera or Katy Perry...I'm currently on the fence on that important issue--but I wouldn't kick her out of bed for smoking menthols. Britney Spears tries to have sex with you and you sue her? What the WTF?
So what kind of heinous, unforgivable acts did Spears perpetrate upon the poor, unsuspecting Mr. Flores. For that, we go to the aforementioned article:
Flores, who worked for Britney from February to July 2010, explained how on one occasion: ‘She leaned over me and I noticed that her right breast was exposed. She looked me right in the eye like she was waiting for something.’
It is entirely possible that Flores is so used to being repeatedly rebuffed by the fairer sex, that when presented with an invitation to grope Spears' boob, he simply "freaked out." Here's what you are supposed to do when a beautiful woman disrobes in front of you and follows that up with a come hither look, Flores: YOU GO FOR IT! C'MON! Britney Spears wanted a roll in the hay and you're taking her to court? Again, I say, C'MON! OK, OK...what else?
It is entirely possible that Flores is so used to being repeatedly rebuffed by the fairer sex, that when presented with an invitation to grope Spears' boob, he simply "freaked out." Here's what you are supposed to do when a beautiful woman disrobes in front of you and follows that up with a come hither look, Flores: YOU GO FOR IT! C'MON! Britney Spears wanted a roll in the hay and you're taking her to court? Again, I say, C'MON! OK, OK...what else?
‘The incident caused [Flores] shock and disgust’.
Wha...I...but...how...but she...huh? We've all seen Britney's lady junk. It's not that disgusting. And if you were shocked, well, you've probably never seen a vagina before. They can be quite shocking upon first view. You'll get used to them though, in fact, one day, you might just grow to love them as much as I do.
The suit goes on to claim that ‘in addition to exposing herself to [Flores], Spears engaged in numerous sex acts in front of [Flores].’
The suit goes on to claim that ‘in addition to exposing herself to [Flores], Spears engaged in numerous sex acts in front of [Flores].’
Listen, pal, if Britney Spears starts banging a guy in front of you, you sit back and enjoy it. You basically got paid to watch live porn starring Britney Spears all day long. Boo-hoo! Your life is so bad. You should've been paying her!
Oh, he also claims Britney Spears force fed her children crab meat until they puked, but I'm more interested in the kinky sex stuff. If you want to read about the child abuse stuff, do it on your own time, sicko.
(Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1311078/Naked-Britney-Spears-tried-lure-bed-claims-bodyguard.html?ito=feeds-newsxml#ixzz0zEi8mXDC)
(Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1311078/Naked-Britney-Spears-tried-lure-bed-claims-bodyguard.html?ito=feeds-newsxml#ixzz0zEi8mXDC)
