Yahoo recently ran an article regarding ten common resume phrases guaranteed to not get you the job, providing gentle suggestions that might serve you better. Because Giant Electric Penguin loves it's filthy jobless readers just as much as it's gainfully-employed, well-adjusted, frequently-showered ones, and respects the task of "job hunting-n-gathering" at least ten times more than the yahoos over at Yahoo, we present 17 more phrases that should not for any reason ever appear on your resume. Notice we did not provide replacement suggestions like our competitors at Yahoo. This is because we respect you as adults. Only a stupid baby would need suggestions as to what he or she should put on a resume. Plus, a baby would just drool all over the resume anyway and no one wants to touch a drooly baby resume.-RECOVERING WORKAHOLIC
-WILLING TO SPY ON CO-WORKERS AND PROVIDE MANAGEMENT WITH DETAILED REPORTS ON FINDINGS
-HAVE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED THREE ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAMS IN THE LAST TWO YEARS
-COMMITTED JUGGALO
-DISTRUSTFUL OF NON-ENGLISH SPEAKERS
-MEMBER OF THE NO CAVITY CLUB
-FANATICALLY DEVOTED TO SEVERAL MAJOR WORLD RELIGIONS
-OFTEN WEAR A JUGHEAD-LIKE CROWN
-THREESOME ENTHUSIAST
-PERSONAL HERO: THE GUY WHAT MAKES THEM ED HARDY T-SHIRTS WITH THE SPARKLY TIGERS ON 'EM
-LARGE COLLECTION OF NAZI MEMORABILIA
-NOT AFRAID TO LIE UNDER OATH (OR UNDER YOU IN BED, IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT)
-SUPERIOR BOMB MAKING SKILLS
-AVN AWARD WINNER: BEST BUKKAKE SCENE ('98)
-HATES/LOVES KIDS-WHICHEVER YOU PREFER
-ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF THE GOLDEN GIRLS SITCOM
-MARRIED TO A GOAT
