1. Homer Simpson: When I hear the phrase "rampant idiocy" (and I hear it more than you can imagine), my mind goes directly to Homer J. Simpson, the quintessential moron. Homer's level of stupidity often fluctuates to serve the story, but from the very beginning there has always been something downright charming about his complete lack of anything resembling a brain. Of course, we all know Homer's lot in life is self-imposed (Why did he let Moe cram that crayon into his brain? Lisa was so happy.), so it's hard to feel sorry for him, but why feel sorry for a guy who finds pleasure in the simple things life has to offer, like chasing squirrels or dressing a pig in a Harry Potter costume. Homer gives hope to dipshits all over the globe, after all, he barely graduated high school, yet he's visited outer space, written a movie for Mel Gibson, and won a Grammy. Hold your heads up high, dimwits, and let Homer give you hope.
2. Jason Stackhouse: I'm not the only person whose noticed how much more profoundly stupid Jason Stackhouse has become in this season of True Blood. That doesn't make me like him any less, I'm just wondering what happened. I could blame religion, but that wouldn't be fair--he was already as dumb as a fence post long before the Fellowship of the Sun got ahold of him and filled his pea-sized brain with anti-vampire nonsense. Thankfully, Jason hasn't let the fact that he is severely 'tarded keep him from boning every woman in Bon Temps. Jason is living proof that nice guys, smart guys, and guys with good jobs do, in fact, finish last, while violent, physically fit lunkheads get a whole lotta Southern-fried poon.
3. Bebop and Rocksteady: How the fuck did Shredder ever think he was going to take over the world with these two idjits on the team? When your go-to henchman are repeatedly outsmarted by a band of cheeky adolescent turtles, maybe it's time you got back to the drawing board and mutated up something a little more intelligent-like. On paper, a mutant rhino and a mutant warthog look like winners, but Bebop and Rocksteady prove even the best laid plans can be stomped to shit when you get a couple of dolts involved.4. Mr. Gumby: The above video speaks for itself. This sketch was my very first exposure to Monty Python way back in middle school and it remains one of my favorite bits of all time.
5. Jordan Catalano: Is it fair to call Jordan Catalano an idiot, after all, he did suffer from dyslexia? Well, I think it's totally fair and so I will: Jordan Catalano is an idiot. But, he's a hunky idiot, and that's all that mattered to Angela Chase, the main focus of ABC's My So-Called Life and the object of my adolescent desire. At the time I hated Jordan, as I identified much more with Brian (Not BRAIN, Jordan, you dumbass!) Krakow. "Why, Angela, why?" I would shout at the television screen, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. "Why are you so hung up on Jordan? Is it the dreamy hair? Or the bedroom eyes? Is it cuz he plays in a band? I play in a band! We played a show at a local coffee shop! You know that song "Red" wasn't even about you, right? It was about his stupid car! Why won't you love me, Angela? Why?"
5. Jordan Catalano: Is it fair to call Jordan Catalano an idiot, after all, he did suffer from dyslexia? Well, I think it's totally fair and so I will: Jordan Catalano is an idiot. But, he's a hunky idiot, and that's all that mattered to Angela Chase, the main focus of ABC's My So-Called Life and the object of my adolescent desire. At the time I hated Jordan, as I identified much more with Brian (Not BRAIN, Jordan, you dumbass!) Krakow. "Why, Angela, why?" I would shout at the television screen, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. "Why are you so hung up on Jordan? Is it the dreamy hair? Or the bedroom eyes? Is it cuz he plays in a band? I play in a band! We played a show at a local coffee shop! You know that song "Red" wasn't even about you, right? It was about his stupid car! Why won't you love me, Angela? Why?"
6. Big Moose: Riverdale's resident simpleton, Big Moose, has always seemed a millisecond away from snapping and killing everyone in town, starting with Reggie. Somehow Midge, his pixie-ish girlfriend, has kept the big galoot in check and Big Moose continues to lumber through the halls of Riverdale High, popping up now and again to say "Duh." Silly Moose, that's not how you shake hands with Archie. Sigh. So dumb.