BEST DIRECTING:
David Fincer (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)
Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon)
Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Some Dude (The Reader)
Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire)
AND THE WINNER IS...
That's David Fincher (I know, right?). Listen, I haven't heard one good thing about this Benjamin Button nonsense, but Fincher directed my favorite movie of all time, so I'm picking him for Oscar glory. I'm also a pretty big fan of Slumdog director Danny Boyle and would be just as pleased if his name were called tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I'm also quite fond of Gus Van Sant and think it would be pretty neat-o burrito if he came out victorious. I'm pretty torn about this one. Leave this one blank on your Oscar Party Scorecard for now and try to write in the winner when he is announced Sunday night before anyone can see you.As for the other nominees: I actually like Ron Howard too, but not nearly as much as the three directors I've already picked to win. And I didn't care enough to do any research on whoever it is that directed The Reader. Sorry, guy.
BEST BRAND OF POPCORN SEASONING:
Pop Co. Flavor Dust
Dr. Corn & Sons Old Fashioned Flavor-salt for Popping Corn
Kernal Season's
Bret Michael's Extreme Popcorn Dippin' Sauce
Papa Spears' Sprinkle Cheese
AND THE WINNER IS...
Kernal Season's not only makes the best popcorn seasoning money can buy, but it also has the distinction of being the only non-fictional brand of popcorn seasoning in the above list. Look at all these flavors! We keep a shaker full of white cheddar in our cabinet at home for popcorn-related emergencies. Not pictured: Caramel and Chocolate Marshmallow (I know, right?)!BEST PICTURE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire
AND THE WINNER IS...
You read it here first, folks: The Dark Knight is going to take home the Oscar for Best Picture. Christian Bale is going to storm the stage, punch some motherfuckers out, and proclaim the Oscar for The Dark Knight. Then he's going to scream at the audience for a full half hour, kick Hugh Jackman in the balls, take some questions from the press, and lead Los Angeles police on a 15 mile car chase in the Batmobile. It is going to be epic!See you on Oscar night, everybody! And look for our unbelievably cruel critique of Oscar night fashions the very next day! Ciao!
