A daily list of horror movie reviews would be incomplete without something from the Killer Doll genre, so today GEP presents the 1987 killer doll classic Dolls. Please keep in mind I am using the term "classic" as loosely as possible.
The Bowers find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere during a vicious thunderstorm, so they take refuge in a nearby super-creepy house inhabited by the two old farts pictured on the left. Gabriel Hartwicke is a kindly old doll-maker; his wife, Hilary, is a loon. The Bowers--father/ douchebag, David; David's brand-new rich-bitch wife, Rosemary; and David's daughter, Judy--seem appropriately weirded-out by the eccentric elderly couple, but accept their invitation to stay the night and eat some dinner, which consists of a dark green soup-sludge. Before the Bower's are shown to their bedrooms, three more stranded individuals join the festivities--Ralph, a goofy manchild, and two obnoxious punk-rock girls with ridiculous Cockney accents. Once everyone is split up and deposited in their separate rooms the bloodbath can begin.
Various dolls show up, giggle maniacally, stab their victims to death, giggle, disappear only to reappear on the other side of the room, giggle some more, hit people with hammers, drag people around while giggling, etc. There's a whole lot of murderin' and gigglin' goin' on to say the least. But what do these dolls want? What motivates them to kill?Well, you see, the dolls and their creators, who turn out to be into witchcraft (surprise, surprise) have decided to play God in their creepy hideaway in the woods. If you are a child or a child at heart (i.e. Judy and Ralph), you get to live through the night. If you are a thieving punk rock chick, a frigid bitch, a total prick, or someone who listens to loud music (i.e. the rest of the cast) you get stabbed, dragged around, giggled at, and turned into a doll yourself.
One question though: when surrounded by a giggling pack of bloodthirsty, knife-wielding killer dolls, is the best course of action really to jump out of a second floor window? Maybe someone who has found themselves in this situation before can enlighten me.
