Perhaps the most popular example of the 'pet gone loco' genre of horror is Stephen King's Cujo. I, however, will be writing about 1993's Man's Best Friend, a Cujo for the Animal Rights set, if you will.Dr. Jarret is the head scientist at EMAX, an evil corporation that condones experimentation on animals, some of which are endangered species, for the purpose of helping human beings live longer, healthier lives. How slicing the ears off of bunnies or jamming electrodes into the exposed brain of a caged monkey, affectionately named Goner, is going to change the face of healthcare is not made clear. The lab looks more like a government-sponsered playroom for an incubating serial killer than a facility for serious scientific research.
Among the bruised and battered animals is Max, a genetically altered guard dog with the speed of a cheetah, climbing ability of a jaguar, the camouflaging capability of a chameleon, a bear's ability to swallow housecats whole, the wisdom of an owl (I guess--there is an owl in the lab), and the corrosive urine of a...um...well, whatever animal has corrosive urine.
Lori Tanner is a television news reporter stuck doing stories about the resurgence of polyester. She longs to produce a hard-hitting story that will skyrocket her to the next level of local action news (Traffic accidents? High school football games? State Fair updates?). Lori and her camera-woman, Annie, sneak into EMAX one evening after being stood up by an EMAX employee keen on taking the company down, but who we know was actually ripped to shreds by Max in the opening scene, gaining easy access to the lab filled with abused animals. Apparently, EMAX feels that labeling their doors RESTRICTED ENTRY is enough to discourage trespassers, be they animal rights terrorists or opportunistic reporters, because the doors aren't locked, there are no security cameras anywhere, and the whole building is guarded by a man more interested in telling the nighttime trash pick-up dude about the creative writing class he's taking than securing shit.Anyway, Lori meets Max and it's love. The security guard walks in on the threesome filming an opening for the story and is promptly knocked down the stairs, apparently into a black hole, because he never returns. No one talks about him. Dr. Jarret never wonders aloud, "Hey, I wonder where that security guy got off to?" Nothing.
Lori and Annie take off with Max much to Dr. Jarret's chagrin. After Max saves Lori from attempted rape in a grocery store parking lot (he chases the perp and bites his nuts off Stabler-style!), Lori decides to take him home to live with her and her boyfriend, Perry. Max and Perry do not get along, to say the least: Max chews through Perry's brake line, so Perry poisons Max's food; Perry buys Lori a puppy, so Max pisses acid on Perry's face. Men and their pissing contests, am I right, ladies?
As the ridiculousness progresses, we learn that without medication, Max will eventually "defragment" and really go ape-shit, even though he's already swallowed a housecat whole, murdered and buried a mailman, and raped a neighbor's collie. It's at this point I questioned who I was supposed to be rooting for: Lori or Dr. Jarret. Sure, Dr. Jarret is an asshole, but if any of the characters took the time to listen to him they'd realize he had the only solution. Max is off his meds and unless he receives them post haste, there's going to be a doggie armageddon unlike the world has ever witnessed. But then you've got Lori. She just wants to do the right thing by Max and for her that means springing him from the labratory of a modern day Dr. Frankenstein. Only, that man is the only one who can control Max's bloody mood swings. But he did terrible things to Max, scarred him up right good and made his piss all acidy. Can you imagine how raw that piss has made Max's pee-hole? Sorry. Is that too graphic? These are the things I think about.In the end, the only medication Max responds to is a good old fashioned rifle blast to the abdomen. It ends his poor, abuse-ridden life, but don't worry, friends, the collie Max raped in the second act has given birth to puppies, one of which is a burly loner who we're supposed to be afriad of, only he's so damn cute, I just wanted to squeeze his little face.
Seriously, what animal pisses acid? Anybody?
