Last week I received a request to join an Anti-Jonas Brothers Facebook group from one of my Facebook associates. I quietly decline membership simply because I don't have anything personal against the Jonas Brothers. I mean, I know who they are kind of, but I've never heard any of their songs. They don't seem like bad guys, in fact, if anything, they seem a little too clean-cut and cutesy for their own good. I saw an interview with them recently and they were polite and friendly. As an almost 30 year old male, the Jonas Brothers do not factor into my daily life in any way, so to join an internet hate group is a waste of my time and energy. Now to be fair the Facebook friend is the teenage son of one of my father's friends. As dumb as it seems to me (and will seem to him as he grows older), the idea of a teenage boy internet-bashing the Jonas Brothers in his spare time is perfectly understandable. Like I stated earlier, they seem a titch too clean-cut and their music is probably pretty terrible (I mean, they are touring with Avril Lavigne). They're squares, essentially, but the tween girls love 'em and they made more money than God last year, so, whatever. But a teenage backlash is inevitable and perfectly acceptable. What gets on my nerves are members of the adult collective that want to jump in on this shit. Yeah, I'm talking to you Perez Hilton and E! News Daily.
When a week goes by without new leaked Mily Cyrus pictures, I get worried. "OMG, did Miley Cyrus die? Where are this week's mildly provocative camera phone pics of Billy Ray Cyrus' offspring?" Listen, Miley Cyrus has become a role model for the younger set, but keep in mind, pissed off parents and angry local morning show hosts, she's 15. Visit any 15 year old's Myspace page and you'll see page after page of fake-tanned stomachs and Hello Kitty underpants. On second though, don't visit the Myspace pages of 15 year olds. That's actually really creepy.My point is, Ms. Cyrus needs to keep in mind that she is a hero to legions of young girls and those girls have parents with money and a large part of that money is being spent on Hannah Montana CDs, lunch-boxes, and spangly scarves. The more scandalous pictures you "accidentally" leak on the internet, the more likely your merchandise is going to end up on the clearance rack or in the shitty, cardboard dollar bin along with the Zac and Cody pencil sets and the Cory in the House bubble-gum scented shampoo. I'm just saying, Miley, calm it down a bit. Also, if you could see it in your heart to introduce a line of man-sized t-shirts, that would be nice. I'm asking for a friend.
I was making a point before, right? Oh yeah--when kids post messages on IMDB saying "Vanessa Hudgens is a skank--Zach deserves sooooooo much better" or "Ashley Tisdale's legs look like two popsicle sticks painted orange" I get it. It's pointless, but I get it. But when adults start getting involved, the proceedings get a little creepy. Take a recent story I heard on E! News Daily for instance: apparently Miley Cyrus and her 21 year old best friend posted a YouTube video lampooning a YouTube video made by Selena Gomez and her BFF. OK. First, who the fuck is Selena Gomez? And second, who cares? I understand it's E! News Daily, all right, but really? Do kids run home from school and turn on E! to get the latest news? No, they post fight videos on YouTube or take a sex survey on Myspace or break into their parents' liquor cabinet. So who is watching E! News Daily? I'd like to believe that no one is watching, but it's more likely that adults are watching and I hope (Oh, God, I hope!!!) adults don't care about an online video battle between 15 year old cable TV stars. Entertainment news sucks, I know, but, c'mon!
I want to quickly mention Perez Hilton and I will make it quick because I think he tends to take criticism very harshly. Now I'm not saying he's going to actually ever read this, but if he does, there is a good chance I could find my picture on his Web site with a little squiggle of man-jizz dribbling from my mouth. Listen, I know you hate Sienna Miller, Perez, and you constantly refer to her as a slut and all that, and I'm OK with that. Maybe she is a slut. But when you constantly refer to Miley Cyrus and other teenage starlets as sluts, it's bad form. I mean, you're a grown man (allegedly), don't you think you should use better judgement? Also, you're obsession with the Jonas Brothers is just a little weird.Listen, adult people should not be so invested in the world of teen celebrities. If they do something stupid, let the youth of America scold them via the internets or denounce them in the hallways at school. The rest of us should just stay out of it. Keep poking fun at Tara Reid and Tom Cruise, but leave Miley, Selena, and the Jonas Boys to the youngsters. Please, everybody, can't you just
STOP ALREADY!
