My Favorite Hillbilly by Jordan Beall

I have two that come to mind. I don't know which was more hillbilly-ish. I had a job interview at a printing company a few years ago and I met one of their lead designers. He was a total redneck. A very nice guy, but his hillbilly qualities were in full effect. First off, while everyone else at this warehouse/office environment were wearing button down shirts or regular t-shirts, this guy had on a lime green tank top. His arms were covered in tattoos. They were random images that were haphazardly placed along his arms. He had Tweety Bird then a few inches down a Four-leaf clover, a rainbow, a leprechaun, some odd symbols, a cursive name and other 2x2 inch images. Perhaps he was experimenting with rub on tattoos that day, who knows.

The second hillbilly was a less pleasant experience. At my old job at the sign shop, we had this girl and her boyfriend come in who wanted name decals for their jetskis. The girl had the worst God-awful teeth you ever saw. She was missing several teeth and the ones she had were dark yellow and black. It was quite obvious that she never brushed in her life. She still had her two front teeth, but the edges of them were crusty and black at the tip ends. I entertained the idea of taking a sniff of her breath, but I worried I might throw up right then and there. I wondered just how sad and desperate the boyfriend must have been to settle for her. She wasn't hot either, so it's not like she displayed some Austin Powers-like charm that won him over the teeth.

Hillbillies pictured not necessarily hillbillies described.