Did you happen to catch American Idol last night? I saw part of it (what else is one to do during the gulf of yawns separating Community from The Office?). Forturnately--or unfortunately--I tuned in just in time to see this:
Now I like a good American Idol Crazy as much as, if not more than, the next guy, but something about Cooper Robinson made me uncomfortable. First off, he's probably homeless, right? Secondly, he's not just homeless homeless, but crazy homeless, right? And I don't mean "crazy homeless," like, he really doesn't have a home, like, he doesn't even have a cardboard box to curl up in at night, but, rather, that he should reside in a mental institution, perhaps even did at one time. There's something broken in Old Man Cooper's mind that an angry, stompy performance of James Brown's "I Feel Good" ain't gonna fix. Cooper Robinson makes last year's Pants-on-the-Ground Guy look like someone I would happily invite to babysit my daughter while me and the wife took in a special showing of Andy Warhol's Empire at the Rialto. (Google it!)
There's a guy like Robinson on American Idol every year: some old man, usually black, who has in the past ten years or so lost his mind, home, or both. The man stomps around, attempts a popular dance move, and lunges in a vaguely threatening manner at the judges table. Robinson met the core requirements:
-he showed up dressed like an alternate reality mariachi band member.
-he claimed to be from a mysterious plantation in Arkansas surrounded by miles of peril, including alligators, feral cats, and snakes.
-he proclaimed, without hestitation, that he would be the next "American Star for America" after taking the city of LA and Universal Studios by force and becoming a huge movie star.
-he claimed to be "more handsomest than any dog, chicken, giraffe, snake, cow, pig, hog [or] gee-raff."
One thing was missing however: Cooper Robinson wasn't joking. He wasn't having a laugh. Some producer promised Robinson a hot meal if he'd come up and literally scare the crap out of Jennifer Lopez's lucious ass. And that's what he did! Like every senile old nutbag who visits with AI's intrepid judges each year, Robinson successfully made everyone in the room uncomfortable, including Steven Tyler, who, I think we can all agree, has probably seen some heavy shit, man.
Maybe I've changed. Maybe that's why the above clip makes me wince where I'd used to giggle. I feel sorry for Cooper Robinson. He is obviously hurting, but here he is on national TV jangling around like a jackass. And for what? Three and a half minutes of uncomfortable judge silence? Was it all a plot to get Ryan Seacrest to jump into Randy Jackson's comforting arms, as the elfin host does at the end of the clip?
I noticed while watching a few minutes of Winter Wipeout last night that I had largely lost my taste for watching people fall from great heights and land on their faces as well. Maybe I'm maturing. Maybe...
