"But it's icky!": 8 foods you shouldn't wait 18 years to try

There is more to life than chicken nuggets and french fries. I know, I know: you're a little kid who thinks vegetables are yucky, seafood is slimy, and any meat not served in tube form, served on a bun and drowned in ketchup is a waste of precious chewin' time, but for Pete's sake, give something new and different a try. Right now macaroni and cheese is the greatest thing ever invented, but trust me, when you're 45 with a kid of your own and he or she forces you to try sushi for the first time, and that little pillow of velvety soft tuna melts in your mouth, you are going to shake your fists and curse whatever God you've chosen as your personal savior and proclaim, "Why did I wait so long? Why? My life has been nothing up to this point." And you know what? I'm going to laugh. Yeah, I'm there. See me in the corner? I'm the 72-year-old geezer pointing at you and laughing while my nurse pre-chews my Dragon Roll.

Maybe you grew up like me. My family had a routine, a routine that seemed to orbit around Pizza Hut exclusively (Damn you, Book It program!). When we weren't sucking down personal pans, my sister and I were fed shake-n-bake porkchops, Orange roughy (So much Orange roughy, in fact, the Lawsons may have been partly responsible for Orange roughy now being on the protected species list. Sorry.), and seven-layer bean dip. Good ol' Midwestern fare. It wasn't until I left for college that I had sushi for the first time. My wife exposed me to the wonders of Indian cuisine when we started dating. And it took my 31 years (!!!) to discover the supreme deliciousness that is sauerkraut (Although, to be fair to my parents, sauerkraut was on the menu as a side item a couple of times a month in the Lawson household.)

So, put the burger down and try something exotic, different, or "icky" for once. May I offer some suggestions?

1. Indian food

Because my father had a negative experience with it on a business trip, I was denied access to Indian food for my entire young life. I've somehow come to terms with this travesty and forgiven my father. I've also made it my personal goal to get him into Royal India, my favorite Indian restaurant in town.

For beginners: Butter Chicken (This was the first Indian dish I ever ate. My wife recommended it on our third or fourth date. It changed my life)

Best experienced: In buffet form.

2. Sushi

Every American youngster's worst nightmare! "Raw fish?! Ewwww!" It's not all raw, dummy! Trust me, the idea may be stomach turning, but once you've got a fresh, soy sauce-coated piece of sushi in your mouth, it's heaven.

For beginners: California Roll (boring, but less scary); Shrimp Tempura Roll (nothing raw here, just crispy deliciousness wrapped in rice and seaweed); seriously though, don't wait too long to take off the training wheels and really go for it.

3. Hummus

You'll eat Play-Doh, but you won't eat hummus? C'mon! It's just smashed up chickpeas. Chickpeas are fun!

4. Mayonnaise

I looked upon mayonnaise with a mixture of fear and revulsion for most of my young life. What was this gloppy white goo that doesn't look at all like male ejaculate but I had convinced myself did? You know what mayo--and I can call it mayo now because we're friends--is now? Mayo is my go-to condiment. A hoagie is incomplete without copious amounts of mayo mixed with mustard, oil, and vinegar--that is a taste sensation that will blow your mind, sirs! My wife uses mayo instead of butter when making grilled cheese. Mayo is everywhere, and you'd be wise to make its acquaintance early in life, that way you can avoid a childhood of boring-ass sandwiches.

For beginners: Try some on your all-American hamburger sandwich. Once you've gotten comfortable with mayo, take it to the next level...

5. Chicken Salad

I love chicken salad! Gourmet, store-brand, cheap-ass greasy-spoon style with relish and mustard, walnut-ridden: I dig it all. My favorite, however, is my wife's Curry Chicken Salad. I'll let you know the next time she makes some. Maybe I'll have you over.

6. Scallops

Sure, they look like tiny slimy doorknobs, but the truth is, when prepared correctly, there is nothing better than a scallop. I think I hated them when I was a kid because my mom liked them so much, and she liked Orange roughy (Dammit, we ate so much Orange roughy! I'm not kidding. It bordered on OCD with my mom.).

How I like them: As close to raw as law will allow.

For beginners: You might want them a little more "done." Not too done though. Overcooked scallops tend to be chewy and unpleasant.

7. Calamari (AKA, "circle chicken")

"What's calamari," you might be asking. Well, kids, calamari is squid. Turns out those ugly, tentacled creatures that gave Captain Nemo a hard time are extremely delicious.

For beginners: As so many things in life are, calamari is at its best when fried.

For fun: Eat some un-fried calamari in front of a squeamish girlfriend. Non-stop laughs. For you. Promise.

8. Sauerkraut

My old nemesis. It took my thirty-one years to try sauerkraut and when I did, I wept. "My life. Wasted." I sobbed quietly into my napkin for hours, which made everybody at the table pretty uncomfortable. It was Thanksgiving after all.

For beginners: Slap some on a hot dog. Mustard that bitch up. Eat. Smile.

For me now: I would eat a bowl of sauerkraut for dinner. A big bowl.