Remember when finding out that that one slutty-looking sophomore you sometimes passed in the hallway on the way to Algebra gave a blowjob to a member of the varsity basketball team in the boys locker room meant being in the right place at the right time? That's the way sexy gossip worked. You had to be sneaky, crafty even. Today's teenager need only log onto his or her Facebook page to find out who is performing what style of sexual manipulation on whoever else's naughty bits. Perhaps you've heard of 'Nassau's Nasty List?" This FB page allegedly contained detailed descriptions of the sexual goings-ons of certain female students at Uniondale High School, most of which, according to the students named on the page, was not true. But, c'mon, these are teenagers. Teenagers lie. Constantly. My great-uncle used to say, "If a teenagers mouth is moving, he's probably lying. Unless he's you, Matt. When your mouth is moving, you're usually eating. Damn, you're fat."
Yeah, my great-uncle was a bit of a bully. It's a shame he's not around to see how technologically advanced bullying has become. He would have marveled at the way the Internet and social networking sites, like Facebook, have made bullying nerds, geeks, drama fags, spazzes and uggos easier and more efficient. Cyber-bullying is a nationwide epidemic, if CNN and Hollywood celebrities were to be believed a couple of months ago before they moved on to some other cause. It doesn't seem to matter how many suicides, attempted suicides, Web page shut-downs, or arrests you hear about on the news, bullying via the Net keeps on chugging along.
Look at these precious angels. Hard to believe either of these beautiful gifts from God--Taylor Wynn and McKenzie Baker, respectively--could ever do a single thing wrong, let alone, find themselves in police custody for both cyber-stalking and cyber-bulliying a classmate they hated via Facebook. Wow, that's a lot of cyber-crimes, ladies. Cyber-crimes. Have we entered some sort of Blade Runner-esque future full of neon lights and rain? The term 'cyber-crimes' sounds sexy. What Taylor and McKenzie did to their classmate, however, is anything but:
Taylor Wynn, 16 and McKenzie Barker, 15...created a Facebook page in the name of a classmate - complete with their classmate's head on a "nude prepubescent girl's body," according to the police report...
Next to the doctored photo, the girls added the comment "I am a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Comitty!!...
Another picture on the fake Facebook page showed the victim's head with her mouth opened next to an adult male's erect penis...
Next to the doctored photo, the girls added the comment "I am a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Comitty!!...
Another picture on the fake Facebook page showed the victim's head with her mouth opened next to an adult male's erect penis...
Ick. There are tons of these stories too, this is just one of the more recent ones.
And Facebook has provided a new forum for vandals to express themselves. Unlike well-known street artists like Shepard Fairey and Banksy, however, these fringe artists deal in pornography, racism, and dead babies. Dead babies?!
Yes, earlier this month vandals attacked a Facebook tribute to the memory of those who died during the Queensland flood disaster, covering the page in pictures of mutilated fetuses and pornography. Now there's a recipe for gag. This type of cyber-vandalism is apparently pretty popular in Australia, which proves the other point my great-uncle used to make, usually after enjoying a meal at Outback or "accidentally" catching Crocodile Dundee II on cable: "Them Australians, or whatever you call 'em, are all sickos. Just a whole country of kangaroo-boinking, shrimp-barbecuing, knife showing-off creeps."
Closer to home, a crack team of assholes decided to have a go at Martin Luther King Jr.'s Facebook page on MLK Day, no less. I guess that's one way to spend your day off. Predictably, these lowlifes filled the page with "photos that used the N-word and depicted African Americans as slaves and monkeys." These scumbags didn't even come up with any original hate speech. Isn't everybody tired of racism by now? I am. And also, MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. HAS A FACEBOOK PAGE?
So, has Facebook made our lives better? I think so. When used responsibly, FB can be a great way to keep up with friends and family. Of course, it's also made it easier for us to kill our children and ex-lovers, drive people we don't care for to suicide, and express our hatred for those who are different from us. You take the good, you take the bad, right? I think I heard that somewhere before. Just don't be a creep on Facebook, all right?
