Travis's "[White] [People] I Hate [You] [Because]" list saddened me, and not for the reasons you've probably guessed (spelling, punctuation, grammar, racist slang, complete lack of logic, swears, etc.). What bummed me out was that Travis, a young man I've neither met nor spent any meaningful amount of time with, hates me, specifically because of my skin's pinkish hue. I've never done anything to Travis--not that I know of anyway--and yet he hates my honky guts. That doesn't seem fair at all. In fact, most of the reasons Travis hates white people don't even pertain to me.
For instance, I don't particularly enjoy fishing. I mean, it's okay, but I generally never catch anything, so a fishing excursion for me is more frustrating than relaxing.
Also, I don't sport a British accent. I like a good British accent, but I'm not gonna say the British don't sound a little snobby when they chat you up. They do. There I said it.
And it should go without saying, but I'm not racist, pale, stupid, prone to judge an individual based on unfair stereotypes, gluestick-esque, close-minded, bitch-like, vomit-inducing, a dog owner, unattractive, disgraceful, pretentious or gay.
You got me on the fat thing, but I'm working on it, Travs. And sorry, but I enjoy hip hop and I'm not going to stop. That's kind of beyond my control, really. I like what I like. Last time I checked, I was, in fact, a human being, and as for the "faggot ass" voice, well, you'd have to ask the people I converse with day after day. I'm not a huge fan of my voice when I hear recordings of myself, but I don't know if I'd describe it as having a "faggot ass" quality.
I can't help but think that Travis has been personally wronged by a white person, and because of this, he now harbors a deep resentment for every Caucasian on the planet. Perhaps, Santa Claus, commonly depicted as an elderly, bearded white gentleman (but not always), failed to bring Travis a Lite Brite one Christmas when he was very young, a Lite Brite being the one thing he'd truly desired with all his heart. Or something else maybe.
Regardless, in the spirit of the holidays, I've decided to make my own list just for Travis. I hope my words make it possible for you to hate at least one less white person this Christmas.
Travis I Like You Because...
*1. Your eclectic take on spelling and grammar shows that you have a creative mind.
*2. It looks like you keep yourself fit and healthy.
*3. You have very tidy facial hair.
*4. You're not afraid to speak you mind.
*5. Judging from the diamond stud in your ear, you are probably very successful at whatever you do for a living.
*6. You've got a unique point of view.
*7. You enjoy social networking.
*8. Your haircut is nice.
*9. You're not afraid to "not smile" in your Facebook profile pic.
*10. If you regularly play Farmville on FB, I'm sure you're very good at it.
*11. Same with Mafia Wars
*12. You like making lists just like me, though yours are arguably more hate-filled.
*13. You are probably a good friend, provided the friend is not a white person.
*14. I see a door and some walls, so you might own your own home and that's great.
*15. You share my disdain for fishing.
Travis, I hope this helps you see that all white people are not fat, stupid, dog-loving British homosexuals. God bless and Happy Holidays.
