I watch the Academy Awards every year without fail. What can I say, I love the art of film. Then again, the Oscars have about as much to do with the art of film as Larry the Cable Guy has to do with the art of stand-up comedy. Why then do I love the Academy Awards so much? Is it the glittering fashion parade? The transcendent spectacle that is a sunglassed Jack Nicholson whooping it up front row center? The corny jokes delivered by second-tier stars like Cuba Gooding Jr.? What about this gilded turd compels me to devote over three hours I can never have back to it? Do I love movies that much or do I just hate myself?I don't have an answer for you, loyal reader. All I can say is don't call my home tonight between 8 and 11 because I will be otherwise engaged. That's right, tonight is Oscar night and that means I'll be off the radar, unless, of course, something unexpectedly wacky occurs, forcing me to log onto Twitter and share my witticisms with all 50 of my beloved followers.
I've noticed, however, that this year I'm not as jazzed about the Oscars as I usually find myself. I've tried to get excited, but I can't seem to do it. As of right now, I'm more looking forward to the smorgasbord of appetizers my wife is preparing than the actual awards ceremony. Why this lack of excitement, you ask. Well, I blame those blue bastards from Pandora.
Look, I saw Avatar. I didn't see it in 3-D, so maybe I didn't experience the film how James Cameron intended, but I think I got the point. The special effects were neat and I liked some of the battle sequences, but overall the whole thing was kind of meh. You know? The story was hackneyed, the dialogue was awful, the acting was amateurish, the alien creatures that weren't Na'vi were yawn-inducing, Giovanni Ribisi was playing his character from The Other Sister, etc., etc. I never figured out why the scientists were even using avatars. The Na'vi knew the avatar-people were fakes, so why did Sigourney Weaver and her crew even play Dress Up Like The Natives? Stupid.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Look, I saw Avatar. I didn't see it in 3-D, so maybe I didn't experience the film how James Cameron intended, but I think I got the point. The special effects were neat and I liked some of the battle sequences, but overall the whole thing was kind of meh. You know? The story was hackneyed, the dialogue was awful, the acting was amateurish, the alien creatures that weren't Na'vi were yawn-inducing, Giovanni Ribisi was playing his character from The Other Sister, etc., etc. I never figured out why the scientists were even using avatars. The Na'vi knew the avatar-people were fakes, so why did Sigourney Weaver and her crew even play Dress Up Like The Natives? Stupid.But, listen, a lot of people enjoyed Avatar and that's fine. You enjoy Avatar, America. Here's the thing though: I've got this sinking feeling that it's going to win the Academy Award for Best Picture and, honestly, I don't want to stay up for three hours just to have that be my grand finale. Before this year's Golden Globes, I wouldn't have given a second thought to my yearly viewing of the Oscar telecast. Then, after watching James Cameron grace the stage, not once, but twice, I thought, "Oh no. There goes Oscar night."
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is a tape worm. Maybe James Cameron won't take to the stage tonight and reclaim his throne as King of the World. But I bet he will. And you can bet that around 11:15 PM, I'll be angrily puking up some spicy chicken wings.
Anyway, here's a quick list of my personal Oscar picks in the major categories, followed by who I think will actually win the award.
Best Picture
My pick: Of the nominees: District 9; Of all films from 2009: Fantastic Mr. Fox
Who will win: Avatar prolly. Ugh.
Best Actor in a Leading Role
My pick: George Clooney (Up in the Air)
Who will win: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)- I've heard good things.
Best Actress in a Leading Role
My pick: Helen Mirren (The Last Station)- I haven't seen the film--probably never will, if I'm being honest--but that old lady is H-O-T! Damn!
Who will win: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side) or Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)
Best Actor in a Supporting RoleMy pick: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Who will win: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)-Quite simply the best performance all year.
Best Actress in a Supporting Role
My pick: Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air) - She hasn't been getting much love at the award shows, but I thought she was great.
Who will win: Mo'Nique (Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push" by Sapphire...phew!)
Best Animated Feature Film
My pick: Fantastic Mr. Fox (though I absolutely loved Coraline and Up as well)
Who will win: Up
Best Director
My pick: Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)
Who will win: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)-I actually hope she wins, because she'll be the first woman to win the Best Director Academy Award and that's pretty sweet.
Check out GEP's official Twitter feed during the 82nd Academy Awards for our instant reactions to the proceedings in Hollywood.
