Hey, Austria, I don't know how ya'll build snowmen over there in the Old Country, but in America our snowmen got torsos and rumps. I don't know about this freaky goblin snowman ya'll tried to pass off as an Olympic mascot way back in '76. There's nothing right about a snowman head with arms and legs growing out of it. I don't care how damn big its smile is.Before I forget: Upon discovering the existence of the '76 Winter Olympics' terrifying mascot, I penned the following joke...
Q. Where does an Austrian snowman go to purchase overpriced polo shirts?
A. Schneemann Marcus!
Feel free to use that at your next '76 Winter Olympics-themed party.
5. The Snowlets-Sukki, Nooki, Lekki, and Tsukki (1998 Winter Olympics, Nagano)
These four misshapen lumps of fail represent the four major islands of Japan. Though I conducted several lengthy searches of the internet, I was unable to find the person (or persons) responsible for the monstrosities displayed before you, so I will go with my original assumption that they were created by an armless Japanese orphan raised in a dimly lit basement forced at gunpoint to draw four owls, an animal he had absolutely no knowledge of as he had never once been allowed to leave his basement prison, nor been given access to either books or a television on which to view nature documentaries.
These four misshapen lumps of fail represent the four major islands of Japan. Though I conducted several lengthy searches of the internet, I was unable to find the person (or persons) responsible for the monstrosities displayed before you, so I will go with my original assumption that they were created by an armless Japanese orphan raised in a dimly lit basement forced at gunpoint to draw four owls, an animal he had absolutely no knowledge of as he had never once been allowed to leave his basement prison, nor been given access to either books or a television on which to view nature documentaries. Someone really should put the Snowlets out of their misery. Nobody wants to look at that.
4. Roni (1980 Winter Olympics, Lake Placid)
Look, it's not that I don't like the idea of a raccoon in ice skates, I do. It's just...well...Roni looks kinda like a pussy. That's all.
Look, it's not that I don't like the idea of a raccoon in ice skates, I do. It's just...well...Roni looks kinda like a pussy. That's all. 3. Magique (1992 Winter Olympics, Albertville)
Magique? Really? MAGIQUE???
Magique? Really? MAGIQUE???Wikipedia describes Magique as a "man-star/snow imp." What the hell is a man-star? Whatever, France.
2. Hidy and Howdy (1988 Winter Olympics, Calgary)
Believe it or not, Hidy and Howdy are NOT a product of Texas. I was as surprised as you are. Let's forget the fact that holding the Winter Olympics in Texas is probably impossible. Don't you just get a whole "Texas vibe" off these two? I do.
Believe it or not, Hidy and Howdy are NOT a product of Texas. I was as surprised as you are. Let's forget the fact that holding the Winter Olympics in Texas is probably impossible. Don't you just get a whole "Texas vibe" off these two? I do.I thought Canada was better than this, quite honestly. Teddy bears in Western wear? I've never been anywhere near Texas in my life, but that's exactly what I think of when I think of the Lone Star State. Go ahead. Next time you run into me ask, "Hey, Matt, I'm thinking about vacationing in Texas next summer. What do you think I should expect?" and just see if I don't answer, "Human-sized teddy bears in Western wear prolly." I guarantee I will.
Hidy and Howdy are supposed to represent Canadian hospitality, but I've never wanted to run away screaming from something more in my entire life.
1. Hakon and Kristin (1994 Winter Olympics, Lillehammer)
Here they are--the worst Winter Olympics' mascots of all time, Hakon and Kristin.
Here they are--the worst Winter Olympics' mascots of all time, Hakon and Kristin. Now, I don't hate children, in fact, they have a lot of qualities I admire, but choosing two children dressed in traditional Norwegian garb to represent the Olympic Games to the world at large is super boring. I mean, Hildy, Howdy, and Roni are pretty lazy choices, but they're still anthropomorphic animals, and that trumps children every time. You gotta have pretty big balls to unleash something as anti-whimsical as Magique on the world, but Norwegian kids, well, that's just pathetic. I'll take any of these mascots (even, regrettably, Schneemann) over these two brats any day. For shame, Lillehammer.
