EW.com reported Tuesday that an entity known as the Parents Television Council published an open letter to CW affiliates all over the country expressing their disgust that an upcoming episode of the popular prime time teen melodrama Gossip Girl will include a graphic depiction of what the French call a "ménage à trois," more commonly known in America as a "threesome" or a "naughty sandwich." The Parents Council feels that airing an episode showcasing a "three-way" or, as it's know in some portions of the deep South, a "slippery biscuit," is both "reckless" and "irresponsible."I just have one question for the Parents Television Council: Have you ever seen Gossip Girl? The characters on this show have more sexual intercourse before the first station break than I've had in my entire life. Gossip Girl is essentially a show about teenagers having sex with one another in various combinations and in various network appropriate positions. And when they're not banging each other silly, they're lying, backstabbing, drinking, snorting coke, gambling illegally, purchasing multi-million dollar hotels, running political campaigns, and dropping out of Ivy League colleges. I hope you weren't under the impression that until the forthcoming threesome episode, Chuck, Blair, Serena, Nate, Jenny, and Dan were appropriate role models for today's youth. For the love of Ray J, did you see the promotional pic at the top of the page? Taylor Momsen, the girl in the top left corner, is 16-years-old, OK? 16!
I know you don't want to hear this, Parents Television Council, but whether or not your teenage son or daughter is currently "doing it," I guarantee they already know all about threesomes. I didn't need a television program to introduce the concept of how awesome hanging out with two naked hot chicks might be when I was a young man. That shit sort of came natural. TV shows, movies, and rap songs don't plant these deviant ideas in our heads, we do. We're animals--our brains are wired to come up with all sorts of deviant stuff. How else do you explain the Hot Carl?
Listen, PTC, I hear ya, there is a lot of sick shit out there that kids and teens shouldn't have to see until they're older and wiser, but I don't think watching Chuck Bass get a blumpkin from Blair Waldorf or Dan Humphrey drop a Cleveland steamer between Lizzie McGuire's breasts is going to scar them for life any more than your constant drinking and verbal abuse already does. That's right, Parents Television Council, I'm watching you and I do not like what I see.
