Last Sunday's PARADE magazine included an interview with Ashton Kutcher ("America's Douchebag") in which he explained how he and Demi Moore ("America's Demi Moore") keep their marriage so picture perfect:"My wife and I have an agreement in our marriage, and part of that contract is that we are going to shine our lights on each other."
Shine your lights on each other? What the shit does that mean? We here at GEP having been racking our brains for the past 24 hours trying to make sense of Kutcher's nonsensical mutterings. Here are our best guesses so far:
1.) By "lights," Ashton may mean "headlights" which is a delightful euphemism for "titties" which Demi Moore has in ample amounts. So, perhaps, he means they've agreed to expose themselves to each other on a semi-regular basis. If this is the case, Ashton's "lights" are probably his "balls."
2.) Demi and Ashton have purchased theatre-style spotlights for their home and take turns practicing Oscar speeches in front of each other on Monday nights.
3.) Kutcher is a gigantic douchebag and not even he knows what the fuck he's talking about.
4.) The Kutchers are fond of flashlight tag.
5.) Kutcher uses a dental lamp when giving Moore her bi-weekly Botox injections.
6.) No matter what hardships their children are facing, Demi and Ashton will always make themselves the center of attention.
7.) Something about cougars.
