Following Michael Jackson's untimely death, there was a lot of talk about what would happen to his children, whether or not he would be buried at Neverland Ranch, and who would inherit the Elephant Man's bones, but nobody was asking the most important question of all: how does Bubbles feel about the whole situation?Bubbles, of course, was Michael's closet pal throughout the late 80's, so close in fact, that he was a permanent fixture in the studio when Jackson was recording Bad. I don't know how many tracks Bubbles helped pen, but I think there's definitely a simian quality to "Dirty Diana." Also, not many people know this, but Bubbles was Michael's first choice to duet with him on "Just Good Friends," but when it was discovered that Bubbles couldn't do much more than shriek atonally, Stevie Wonder was brought in to save the track. Needless to say, there was a lotta poo flingin' at the ranch that night. You do not want to be around a chimpanzee scorned, believe me.
So whatever happened to Bubbles? I assumed he was long dead until I came across this article on CNN.com. Apparently, Bubbles is alive and well in a Floridian monkey preserve. So, how the hell do retired showbiz monkeys spend their afternoons anyway?
"They relax. They take naps together. They might go up in the top of the cupola," [said Patti Ragan, director for the Center for Great Apes]. "They go out in the chutes and lie under a tree in the tunnel system. They groom each other and they fight and they have arguments, too."
Wow! Fights AND arguments? That sounds like a blast! And community grooming. If you've ever wondered, that's my dream right there: naps, tunnel systems, and public community grooming. Oh to retire to a monkey sanctuary some sweet day.
OK, so life at the Center for Great Apes is a swinging good time and who wouldn't be happy with a steady diet of cucumbers and bananas, but how's Bubbles getting on after learning of his former BFF's death?
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Oh, sorry, there's no quote from the article adressing that ridiculous question. He's a chimp, for God's sake. If you got too close to his cage he'd probaby rip your nuts off. You think somebody's gonna risk his or her life to tell a 170-pound wild animal possessing "three times the strength of [its] weight" that the funny-talkin' fella he once shared a two bedroom suite in Japan with has kicked the bucket? Lunacy!Perhaps the saddest part of Bubbles' life out of the spotlight is the fact that Michael never came to visit:
"Those days of appearing before the camera were long gone, until today. Bubbles still likes making faces for the camera, faces that Jackson might have recognized, had he visited the sanctuary. Bubbles might have recognized Jackson, too.
"Most of our chimps recognize their former owners," Ragan said. "They get very excited to see them, and I am sure he would have recognized him.""
I find it deeply disheartening that MJ never paid Bubbles a visit or two in the years following their split. Perhaps there was more to the relationship than has ever been shared with the public at large. Was there a falling out? Was Bubbles threatening to ask for more money for his involvement in SEGA's Moonwalker video game? Maybe Bubbles resented Jackson's close friendship with a young Corey Feldman and expressed his anger by urinating on the Goonies star's sleeping bag during one of Michael's popular sleep over parties!
Until Bubbles learns some rudimentary form of monkey sign language, we may never know the whole truth regarding his friendship with the late King of Pop, but it is nice to know that one of the strangest elements in Michael Jackson's legacy of weirdness lives on in a primate sanctuary somewhere in Florida.
